Most of our problems are because we hide our hurt and emotion deep within ourselves. We try to bury these feelings in the hope that they will die. But like troublesome ghosts, they always surface and haunt us. Whether it is a love affair or someone who has betrayed our trust, whether it is someone we wronged or
whether it is something we stole; we all have our little secrets buried in our hearts. The problem arises when we cannot reconcile with these issues and the ghosts of our past keep intruding into the present...
I have seen many children who’ve had issues with their parents when they were alive. Now, it’s too late to say, “I love you mom and dad…” I have similarly seen parents who’ve had issues with their children and who have given up on them. There are siblings who have been estranged for years, just the way couples have gone their own way after bitter divorces.
Sometimes the problems are in the present and continuous. Like the boss who is truly a double s.o.b. in reverse.
Many a time, what compounds the hurt in all these cases, especially in our society, is the belief that we should maintain a dignified silence through it all. So whether our siblings have sold the family silver or whether our son is turning into an alcoholic, it is generally held ‘unbecoming’ of us to speak of such issues outside the family. In the process, we let small issues become monsters until it is too late. And then, our guilt eats us.
What I recommend to everyone is to let it all hang out. Hang out your guilt complexes, your frustrations, your anger, your hate, your unrequited love and you will feel better. You will feel energised, much lighter in the heart and head and become a totally new person.
And how do you do this? You can go to a park in the early hours. Or keep a chair in your room and face its back. Perhaps place a bolster on it, so it looks like you are speaking to the back of a person’s head. Do put a cap on it, or a dupatta so that it reminds you of the person you wish to speak to; or shout at. And speak/shout out your anger, grief or frustrations which you had bottled up all these years.
It could be your professor who hated your smart-ass behaviour and flunked you. Or it could be your miserable boss. Tell them what you exactly feel about them. Or, it could be your father who never really understood you. You don’t have to always shout at them or call them names. You can tell them what you feel. You can even tell them you love them or that you forgive them.
What matters is that you have finally come to terms with your troubled past.