Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you what you are, goes an old saying. Not without reason, as friendship is a relationship that has the strongest, and also the frailest, of bonds. If there many incredible stories of loyalty that are centred around this relationship, there are perhaps twice as many that end up in disappointment. If people
have given up kingdoms for friendship, they have also betrayed friends for the proverbial thirty pieces of silver. And that is why friendship remains among the most fascinating of relationships.
Of course, there are types of friends and friendships. I am not referring to links that are formed at the workplace or in social circles or in the neighbourhood. These associations are conveniently geographic in nature and change when we move out of our jobs or localities. The relationships I am referring to are ones forged during the early years, in an age of trust and innocence and much before one is exposed to wiles, greed and commerce. It is not that friendship is an easy relationship; indeed there are too few friendships that last through the decades, through all the ups and downs that life bestows on us.
Why do friendships not always last? The reasons may be varied but they mostly centre on a sense of inequality creeping into the relationship and one party putting less store by it than the other. As a rule, people find it much easier to remain friends when both continually remain on the same socio-economic level, than if one has a drastic upswing in fortune leading to disparity. Generally, people do not like to carry the baggage from their modest days when they are swirling in heady success. Sadly, they are unaware of their loss. In contrast, I am fortunate to have maintained my close and abiding friendship with Vijay Sehgal from my school days in Shimla; even though we are separated by cities, interests and professions. And I think the gain has been mine as Vijay, sometimes my staunchest critic, has always helped in keeping me linked with reality. That is the advantage of a real friendship.
There is another reason why friendships go kaput over time. And that is because of great expectations from one side, which are not reciprocated by the other. Over time, this sense of inequality in expectations creates a chasm that becomes unbridgeable. I know of several people who would give their right arm for their friends, but when their buddies are more circumspect about their loyalties, fissures start creeping. I am not judging on the reasons for people being prudent; perhaps circumstances have changed, new priorities such as marriage and children may have crept in etc. But such changes need to be factored in.
My advice to all young friendships is to keep it light. Value it and do not expect too much from your friends; the weight of your expectations can sometimes break it up. Over the years, let your friendship find its own weight and level.
The writer is a renowned film and theatre actor