We all love to cling to people, things, places and associations. That is certainly an endearing trait and many nice terms are used to describe it, such as being sentimental. It is indeed nice to be even a sentimental fool, as the
phrase goes; it is much better than being unsentimental and bordering on the unemotional. However, it is also true that many of our problems arise because we tend to cling to things for too long, well past their expiry dates.
Let us examine even the most primal relationship, that of a mother and her child. It is a very crucial bond because no child can ever hope to survive without the mother in the early stages of its life. It is not just the need of nourishment, but the child also needs constant warmth, care and hugs to survive, both physically and emotionally. Studies of infants without mothers — and in the care of the best European orphanages — have shown that despite the finest nourishment, the mortality rate was much higher than infants with their mothers. The critical missing input was body warmth and hugs, it was concluded.
But even this relationship has an expiry date. When the child grows into an adult, the apron strings must gradually loosen or we have a mama’s boy and a papa’s girl. Parents must gently give up controlling their children’s lives and encourage them to take their own decisions. Over- dependence on parents results in a stifled personality and emotional adjustment issues for the young adults. It lands up in problems initially for their spouses and then for their families. So the key to nipping such issues in the bud is for parents to stop clinging to their children when they are in their early teens.
There are other things we sometimes needlessly cling onto; such as our jobs when we are clearly unhappy with it and relationships which we have outgrown. I have noticed that many times people hang on to a job which does not excite them. Maybe they have outgrown it, or maybe their bosses are having a mid-life crisis. Whatever be the reason, if the very prospect of going to work every morning triggers a depressive thought, then it is time to scout around for another job and move on. There is no point in living in misery. What goes for jobs also goes for some relationships that are not working out. Moving on is progress, it is not defeat.
Why do many of us cling to people or things? It is because we like to hang on to the familiar and are involuntarily scared of change. And that unwillingness grows stronger as we grow older with each passing year. Given a choice, we want to go to familiar places and be met by familiar people. But success is not for the faint-hearted. Get out of your comfort zone, stop clinging to the familiar and steel yourself for the unexpected. Because that is the only road to being aware… and alive.
The writer is a renowned film and theatre actor