There are many misconceptions that many of us live by. One of them is that we are all very rational people. Another is that we can live independently of each other. The latter idea is especially gaining ground in these days of
consumerist gizmos and inventions such as the iPhone and the Internet which have effectively estranged us from the physical presence of our friends, family and indeed, society.
I have touched upon our growing social estrangement some time ago, but today I wish to comment on such alienation and the findings of top flight behavioural study experts that relationships are the most important things in our lives. And that includes money too. Some have even quantified the value of happy relationships; according to one study, a happy husband-wife relationship is worth US $100,000, which works out to `45 lakhs!
And what are we doing about it? Are we aware of the state of our relationships with our spouses, our siblings, our sons and daughters? Do we value the worth of our relationships? I do not think so. We, by and large, and it is natural as we are human, do not really worry overtly about nurturing relationships, until they go awry. And then, most often, we blame the other party for having transgressed limits and straining that bond. We do not sustain what we have, yet, if you talk to anyone around, you will realise that strained relationships are the most common source of worry.
Last week, I was speaking to one of India’s foremost management and life-skills counselors who is perhaps the only professor to lecture at two national institutes of different disciplines. He was conducting a workshop for senior bankers on some aspect of management. And he said that within 15 minutes, all that the bankers were keen on discussing with him was a single topic: Relationships. Not leadership nor motivating their workforce, but on how to nurture and mend relationships.
The point to note is that much as we are unaware, or perhaps do not care, it is relationships that we live for. We work, earn and struggle to give our families a better deal. Yet what is it all worth, if our families do not feel emotionally close to us?
I have seen patriarchal fathers who are stern from the outside, but who break down when they realise their children do not love them. I have seen matriarchs who hate their daughters for perhaps marrying someone of their choice. Yet the elder, in her innermost thoughts, cries when she recalls the bonds they shared during the daughter’s growing up years.
To all of us, I would like to take an example from the Reiki masters who carefully evaluate each of their relationships every day, while expressing gratitude that the relationship is still alive. The principles of Reiki are: Just for Today, Don’t get Angry, Don’t Worry, Be Grateful, Work Hard and Be Kind to Others. I think that is the kernel of The Change Within...
The writer is a renowned
film and theatre actor