The Virtual War

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Almost every day, Ankita Malhotra logs on to her Facebook account to catch up with friends and relatives. The 16-year-old from Chennai says that she’s careful not to accept random invitations. “I keep my photos private and don’t share my contact details.” Despite such guards, Ankita’s parents are concerned. Her mum runs a spot check on her daughter’s Facebook page — “just to make sure”.
Most parents are so busy talking about their teens’ issues that they forget that they have to actually deal with them. It may be uncool for teens to admit it, but they really want to spend more time with their parents. “This is big, much bigger than it sounds, having a close relationship with a parent is one of the most important predictors of good health and rationality for teens,” opines renowned child specialist, Dr Shevil.
Perhaps teens should be editing themselves more, anyway — and communicating more with parents than mere Facebook friends might actually solve the problem. Most rifts between the parent and the child are born out of doubt and distrust. “I am okay with my parents dictating terms and establishing boundaries for me, but not at the cost of their not understanding my perspective. I need my say too. It’s my life after all. I don’t want any escalated drama. I just want to get to know them and for them to know that I wouldn’t be rebellious if they stayed home and spend sometime with me cordially,” says Vicky Lama, a 15-year- old rebel in his own right.
Mala Lama, Vicky’s distressed mum counters, “I don’t know how it happens, but somehow my happy home suddenly turns into a verbal boxing ring. We don’t pull punches. This is sometimes a healthy tussle, if done fairly can deliver a huge payoff — a stronger relationship with my child in the long run, and the confidence that I am subconsciously equipping him with emotional survival skills to last a lifetime. But on a daily basis, all’s well that ends well. We have our stressful moments, but I guess that’s all part of growing up and for me to come to terms with.”
Not all teens are comfortable with such parental intrusion. Many of them would be horrified at the thought of their parents befriending them on Facebook. So parents, be warned. A quick search on Facebook is likely to throw up the message: “Ban parents from Facebook” or “Parents don’t need Facebook”. Oops!