Meet Yucky and the Freak

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Har cheez joh phirangi hai, kya woh sona hai? Our entertainment channelwallas toh clearly think so. That is why, one by one, they are importing all of white people’s ideas, syappas and shows, the latest being Beauty and the Geek (Channel V).

Jaise, Prada becomes Brada when imitated in China, imported shows lose whatever little sheen and quality they had when they go desi.
Jab angrez log beauties aur geeks ka milan karte hain, toh they get Playboy models and nerdy Harvard graduates. But in the desi avatar we get the model on the bhujia packet (backside) and the boy obsessed with Pacman.
Anyway, here’s a recap of the first episode: Ten girls arrive — in the mandatory short skirts and high heels uniform — and are ambushed by a gang of hunks. Ummm. While sipping stuff and chatting, girls start planning colour of baby room. But just then, one agitated bow-tie clinging to a cretin’s neck arrives. Bow-tie dismisses hunks, laughs and points to a cloud of dust from which rolly-polly maa ka laadlas are emerging, on scooties.
Girls stare as the boys and their bellies come to a standstill and begin to contemplate dropping to the floor, wriggling a bit and dying. But the boys are smiling, at the vision in their head: They, in flowing orange silk garments, are lolling in Lord Indra’s chamber, and these apsaras are teasing them with grapes. Red ones.
Girls take another look at the boys and again find the prospect of wriggling and dying very attractive. The boys, however, are on course two — in Swarg Lok, the apsaras are dancing around them with jugs of intoxicating wine...
Bow-tie interrupts and says, “Whalcm to Beauty and the Geeks — Akal meets Shalak. This is not a dating show. This is not a couple show. Yeh show ek social experiment hai, and I am Professor Andy.”
Social experiment? So they are going to mix the two, add some acid, provide heating and get hydrogen sulfide? Ya, pretty much.
Haan, actually, they do have all the ingredients for a stink bomb. The girls are curvy, happy to expose and fully dumb-dumb-diga-diga (one said 10 plus two is 14). The boys, from small towns, are sweet, pimply, and have never seen a female leg in person.
Andyji, you are right, it is an experiment. But let’s call it what it is: Yucky and the Freak. Ok, Meek.