Har cheez joh phirangi hai, kya woh sona hai? Our entertainment channelwallas toh clearly think so. That is why, one by one, they are importing all of white people’s ideas, syappas and shows, the latest being Beauty and the Geek (Channel V).

Sita Maiyya ke zamase se Draupadi ke heydays tak, har yug main ladies log are put through difficult-difficult tests at every stage of their lives — to check for good sanskar, for the ability to do tyaag and tapasya, to endure, to keep quiet.

Hai hai, ghor kalyug! Ek zamana tha when we all used to hide boyfriends and girlfriends in cupboards and under the bed from our parents, and would maro padhai-shadai ka bahana to go on long romantic dates. But all that is now officially over. Aaj kal ke parents toh itne advance ho gaye hain that they first test-drive all varieties of prospective dates themselves and then give happy-happy approval to their betajis and betis to go ahead and romance.

Hello ji, Namaste. It’s that happy-happy time of the year jab awards are given to all and the sundries. Hum ne bhi bahut soch-vichaar ke baad apne Telly Awards 2010 announce kar rahe hain. Take a look:

All varieties of freaks and monsters have a TV show dedicated exclusively to them. Darpok duffers have The Chair and Girls’ Night Out.

Hai-hai! Terrible tragedy has struck the families of Bhagyavidhata (Colors). Vinayji and his two cute dimples are no more.

It is true, you know, that love happens at first sight. Loathing, too. Aur mere saath toh this happens aksar, when new-new TV shows arrive.

Teen-teen maharathi aur main single-piece nanhi si jaan. Kahan jaaon, kiska deedaar karoon? Obviously!

Kya main idiot hoon? Kya aap idiot hain? Nahin. But MTV and UTV people think so. They don’t credit you and me with a single working brain cell. Apparently, we are just eyeballs with an emotional range that begins at amazement, pauses at bewilderment and culminates in delirium. That’s why they have launched shows whose IQ is sub-zero — The Chair (UTV) and Girls Night Out (MTV).

Jab-jab TV-walle log apne new-new show ke beginning main long-long bhashan likhte hain — that so-and-so doesn’t resemble so-and-so and that our serial is not a copy of that jurm story — unko kala crow bum pe zor se bite karta hai. Of course, their lies hum ko buddhu banana ke liye nahin hote. They are designed to save their other bum from biting lawyers.