These are troubled times when everything is up for scrutiny and analysis; even home truths and things as sacrosanct as motherhood. Consequently, it is a time when there are too many questions and too few answers. Mind you, I am not against questioning the basic concepts at all; if anything, it makes you understand the truth better. But the point is we often do not wish to tell others the truth as we perceive it; we hide the truth or skirt around it.
Just ask yourself how many times you have refrained from speaking your mind even though the line of argument that was being followed, and generally being accepted, was not correct. It may be because the person doing the speaking was too important; or s/he could have been very close to you. In either case, you preferred to keep quiet. We do this often as adults, if only for reasons of diplomacy or for convenience.
Such an attitude may be understood, if not entirely accepted, if we are being circumspect with adults as they are responsible for their actions in the final analysis. But if we choose to behave in similar fashion as parents with our offspring, it usually has disastrous consequences.
Two weeks ago I wrote about the quarter-life crises affecting some children. I wish to extend this thought further by touching upon the dilemma of modern day parenting. Whether they are living in nuclear families with no extended family support, or even in traditional establishments, parents too often resort to softer options just to buy peace with their children after a gruelling day in office. It is certainly more common to hear of instances of children being cowed down by their parents; of them being told by their elders what profession to follow and whom to marry. But with the growing effects of globalisation, the reverse is also true.
I am all for letting children find their own equilibrium, but that is not to say that we should not be around to guide them and offer them advice. Many parents dither at critical times and land in a habit of giving in. Give in to your children by not monitoring their companions and before you know it, the bad influences of their peers will surface. Give in habitually to their material demands and soon you will never be able to say NO.
I am bringing up this issue not just as a follow-up to my column but also because I see too many children growing up as confused youngsters because they were not parented properly; their parents gave in to all their whims. As it is said, such children know the price of everything but the value of nothing.
We must realise that our children need our advice at critical times and we must have the strength to provide such advice at these times. It is a fine balance that I am drawing here between leading our children’s lives and enabling them to make the correct choices in their growing-up years.
The writer is a renowned film and theatre actor