Hai hai, ghor kalyug! Ek zamana tha when we all used to hide boyfriends and girlfriends in cupboards and under the bed from our parents, and would maro padhai-shadai ka bahana to go on long romantic dates. But all that is now officially over. Aaj kal ke parents toh itne advance ho gaye hain that they first test-drive all varieties of prospective dates themselves and then give happy-happy approval to their betajis and betis to go ahead and romance.
Date my Folks (Channel V) ko hi dekhlo: Here, cretinous VJ Andy arrives, interviews mommies and daddies about their dream-date for their ladla/ladli while the children look on expectantly and nod.
In the episode I watched, one very large Mummyji, Radha Aunty, was looking for a date for her golu-molu Pulkit. Homely type, who would do moti Mummyji ki seva and cook delicious, hot meals. Andy arranged for two girls — one arrived with a basket full of chicken tikka, the other brought a T-shirt that said “Use Condom”. Radha Aunty chose Ms Chicken Tikka for her first date.
Andy and Pulkit settled down to watch the proceedings from a safe distance — Ms Chicken Tikka served Radha Aunty the tikka in which a long hair was found. Radha Aunty thoo-thooed it and asked Ms Chicken Tikka if she plans to drink beer and kiss on her first date. Ms Chicken Tikka said, “Nahin, kabhi nahin” and made Radha Aunty lie on a bench while she massaged her large back and shoulders. Soon it was time for Radha Aunty’s second date.
Ms Use Condom felt that Radha Aunty needs to shed some weight so she arranged to meet in a gym where she prodded Radha Aunty in the stomach and said, “Aunty cycling karo, motappa kam hoga.” Radha Aunty snapped “Kyun? Tere baap ka khaati hoon kya?”
Then Ms Use Condom made Radha Aunty do some wrist exercises which tired Radha Aunty so much that Ms Use Condom served her karela ka juice. One sip and Radha Aunty flew out of there.
Obviously, Radha Aunty sent fatty Pulkit on a date with Ms Chicken Tikka. For his first date Pulkit decided to meet in a dhaba where plates were of steel and raw onion in abundance. Ms Chicken Tikka arrived, looked around and started growling that she wears only “branded clothes” and eats only at 5-stars. After insulting the food Pulkit offered her, she started asking Pulkit about how much he made, how many cars he had. Smart Pulkit refused to divulge anything, at which Ms Chicken Tikka said: “I’m just checking your aukat.” Bus, phir kya tha, in less than five minutes Pulkit was laughing while Ms Chicken Tikka was screaming, “Do-minute main aukat dikha doongi, kutte. Nanga kar doongi.” Yeh hai Mummyji ka kamal!