Hello ji, Namaste. It’s that happy-happy time of the year jab awards are given to all and the sundries. Hum ne bhi bahut soch-vichaar ke baad apne Telly Awards 2010 announce kar rahe hain. Take a look:
Most Entertaining Shaitan Aatma of The Year: Dolly Bindra, without contest. In her second coming on Bigg Boss (Colors), however, the agitated saand inside her seems to be snoring. But bachke. It may headbutt anytime.
What Were You Thinking, or Were You?: Barkha Dutt on her self-designed crucifixion (NDTV 24x7).
Bhayanak Anchor of The Year: Priyanka Chopra in her behenji getups in Khatron Ke Khiladi (Colors).
Comeback of The Year: Amitabh Bachchan, Kaun Banega Crorepati (Sony).
Gattar Ka Devta: Imagine TV.
Juiciest Gift, From Pak to India: Veena kissi-kissi huggi-huggi Mallik, Bigg Boss.
Anchor of The Year: Salman Khan, Bigg Boss.
Bad Man of The Year: Ashutosh Rana as Thukral, Kaali — Ek Agni Pariksha (Star Plus). Pure evil.
Psycho Shaadi of The Year: Rahul Dulhaniya Le Jayenge, Imagine.
Weepie of The Year: Manoj Tiwari, Bigg Boss.
Teeny-weeny Kachche Main Darpok-Lallu: Rahul Bose, Khatron ke Khiladi.
Long Kachche Main Himmatwalla Cutie: Ritwik Bhattacharya, KKK.
Paapiyon ka Favourite Get-together: Emotional Atyachaar 2 (UTV Bindass). One paapi, one paapi teaser and one paap ka dushman lead.
Tain-Tain Phiss Award: Yash Chopra’s entry on television (Sony) with much band-baaja. Powder, Mahi Way and Rishta.com.
Best Vanishing Act of The Year: Karan Johar’s Lift Kara De where one Bollywood star met one paglet fan and then both tried to lift one garib bechara.
Bhains-Log Ka Favourite Show: Desi Girl (Imagine). City ki eight nangi-pungi girls — Sambhavana, Kashmira Shah, Monica Bedi, Ishitta vagehra — nicely cleaned and perfumed the potty and private parts of all Bhains-Log of Majri village.
Kutte Ki Doom of The Year: A tie between Punpunwalli, Bhagyavidhata, and Tapasya, Uttaran.
Bhooton ka Favourite Comedy Show: The Chair (UTV) where one quaking duffer, one psychic and her pendulumji try to talk to and release aatmas. Apparently, it’s a mood-lifter for all bhoots, prets and aatmas.
Sulabh Shauchalya Award to The Safai Karamchari of The Year: Rakhi ka Insaf (Imagine). Here, potty of all colours, castes, genders and sizes is caressed, hugged and celebrated.
Samajsevak of The Year: Axe Your Ex (Channel V). Here all cheating, dumping ex-es meet their karma — sometimes in the form of susu and slaps, at other times in the shape of a horny gay lover.
Deathly Pravachan of The Year: By Sadhvi Siya, Ladoo (Colors), on the same topic always — Naari, the Abla Bechari.
Gender Jantar Mantar: It’s a tie between Andy the cretin anchor (Dare 2 Date etc) and Ali Salim (Bigg Boss).
Megalomania of The Year: Living with A Superstar, Discovery Travel & Living. We met Shah Rukh Khan the Husband, the Father, the Son, the Actor, the Star, the One Who Has Conquered Time, the Salesman, the Dark Knight of Cricket, the Businessman, the Living Deity of Mannat, and then heard his updesh on Shahrukhisms and, yes, acting!
Lady Hippos Ki Fashion Icon: Vasundhara mummyji on Bidaai. Her shade of lipstick now a rage amongst all lady hippos who are missing her terribly.
Ram Ne Banayi Dead Brain Cells Ki Jodi: Akshara and Naitik in Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai (Star Plus). She simpers, he sulks. Or, he simpers, she sulks.