Take the right decisions

[1]

Anupam Kher [1]

Q. I have a concern about which I need your advice, as I am a little confused. I work in a transport office and I have one good friend. We both work in the same team. There is a girl who also works in our team.

A year ago I fell in love with her but didn’t tell her about my feelings. I shared my feelings with my friend. After three months, one fine day my friend told me that even he loved the same girl and asked what he should do. I advised him to go ahead if he really had true feelings towards her. After hearing about his feelings I felt deeply hurt. I cannot fight with him as it would look very cheap and the fact is that he is also my friend. I even stopped talking to the girl in question. They are both close now. Please advise me if I should still be his friend or should I move on with my own life. Awaiting your reply.
Anonymous

A. The most beautiful part of Indian culture is boundaries, loyalties and dignity. While our culture allows in its fundamental structure a modern outlook, it also preserves values that bring about more trusted relationships and longer lasting togetherness. We are not a society of isolation and that makes us a happier society. Friends are not supposed to fall in love with their friends’ love. I’m sure it makes you upset. But again you need to decide what’s more important to you and what are you willing to give up and for whom.
The most important thing is to handle it with dignity. Always making sure you don’t hurt the girl’s pride. What does your friend mean to you? Do you want to confront him? Do you want to step back? Whatever you decide will need strength and the maturity to handle it. Think about it. Don’t react. Stay away for a while. Sometimes it’s better to walk away because certain things can only get messy and then are very difficult to sort. It is entirely up to you what you choose. All the best. Be wise and dignified and calm.

Q. I wanted to make a career in the film industry but I am disabled in my left hand. However, I am very attractive in other respects.
Anonymous

A. There are so many avenues and jobs for someone to be a part of the film industry. I enjoy your confidence and it seems to me like you are willing to put in 100 per cent. What I suggest is that you decide what you would like to do, learn about it, whether it’s dance or acting or direction or editing. These days everyone is educated and every production house is looking out for talented people and hard working people. There is no stopping you if you are able to contribute and work hard. All the best!

Q. I am a 31-year-old software engineer. This is the sixth year of my marriage. I don’t love my wife. I married her because of family pressures. I don’t have any feelings for her and have not had any since we got married. She is not mature enough and we don’t have anything in common to share so as to be together. Her standard of thinking is also at a very low level. Her stupid talk irritates me. I am losing interest in life. I am not able to contribute to my country. I am in fact ruining my life. It is because of a family matter that it is not quite so easy to divorce her.
Pranav

A. I understand when two people find it difficult to get along, etc. But I hope everyone reading this will understand what I’m about to say and see its importance. First of all, please don’t ever speak of a woman — any woman young, old, child — where she feels that her pride has been hurt. You as an individual have the right to walk away from her, and even if you are unable to give her the good things in life, don’t ever hurt her self-esteem.
In our society we take women for granted anyway and they allow it and that is not their weakness. It is solely because they are more giving and hence greater persons in all relationships. Second, if you disliked her so much, you should not have married her. Now that you have I suggest you figure out what suits you and do so making sure she is never looked down upon by you or anyone.
Most people are simple and not intellectuals. You can sort it out by communicating with her. Please retain your dignity and her respect when you do so. And as far as our country goes, we do need a lot of work and changes and citizens like you and that starts with being fair and just with people in our homes.
All the best!