I am a 20-year-old Muslim girl in love with a Hindu.
We’ve known each oth-er since childhood. He also loves me and we want to marry but both our families have opposed this relationship as we are not of the same religion. Two years ago I promised my dad that I would not continue this relationship. But I’m still in contact with the person. After a year or two my dad will ask me to marry someone of his choice. Neither can I leave this man nor can I hurt my dad. Please advise.
Anonymous
A. Love is beautiful and special. And it gives us strength to fight against all odds to make it work. But I believe that love should be able to bring people together and not break hearts. If you are able to make your families understand and accept then that is the ideal situation according to me. Either way whatever decision you make will be a test of your patience and will.
Q. I am 49 and a Central Government employee. Some of my office colleagues commented on my wife’s fidelity and character. Should I punish them? Or divorce my wife? I have two daughters at the intermediate education level. Please guide me.
B. Ravichandar
A. I am so sorry. Whatever the situation it needs to be worked out. I don’t know what your situation is exactly but I know that we associate our pride with our family. You must request your friends to let you deal with your family with dignity. In every step that you take you should consider how your daughters would feel and truly and fiercely protect their innocence, their hearts, their well being and their pride. Often we assume that children don’t know what’s happening but we must learn to be sensitive to their needs. Besides you have to hear your wife’s side of the story before you take drastic steps. You are four of you and you need to protect and love each other. Don’t let the world decide your reaction and don’t play to their judgment. I am sure you will do everything keeping your family’s best interests at heart.
Q. I am a shy 17-year-old girl. The main problem with me is my mother. She is always behind me about my personality. I am very thin and look like a child. She keeps insulting me in front of my friends and relatives. This is affecting my self-confidence. Help!
Anonymous
A. It’s unfortunate that parents sometimes say and do trivial things like this. None of us have control over the way we look. I was bald and skinny when I started working as an actor and while people loved my work there were some who did find fault with everything. And it happens to every actor, even the most beautiful ones or child or any other working person. We have to learn from it and focus on what works for us. However I understand that when your parent makes you feel like this it will really affect you emotionally as well. As human beings we have weaknesses. Right now if you understand that your mother is also human you could find a way to forgive her and become strong. You could also explain to her that she is causing you harm and assert the fact that you don’t appreciate that you are made to feel bad about your appearance. Communi-cation is important. I’m sure you’re a great girl. Let me also tell you some of the greatest actors, artists, scientists, leaders are shy by nature. So don’t ever doubt yourself. Don’t feel bad about who you are. The best thing about you is you!
Q. I am a graduate with about 18 years of experience and I am trying to do an MBA, but am unable to concentrate due to oth-er commitments. I am an avid reader of your column, which is inspiring and thought provoking. I have also not been able to make the desired progress in my career even at 44. Money also seems very hard to come by with expenses surpassing income. I have got excellent soft skills, which are very important in today’s globalised economy. Help!
Anonymous
A. I think it is important to find joy at work. Unfortunat-ely our world has become a place that enforces comparison and greed and we forget that at work apart from gaining it is our duty to contribute and hence the joy of work is lost. I understand that monetary stability is key to a secure life.
I think with you being worried and unhappy it is not going to change anything. Go to work like a happy man. Take responsibility. Contribute. Make your employer feel that he can trust you and you like working for him. I’m sure things will change and most importantly you will be happy.