Comparisons come to us naturally

Q I’m an employee and have been writing the intermediate exams since 2008, however I have not been successful. Every year I prepare well but I can’t explain what happens. Either I don’t write the exam or I don’t go to the examination centre even if I have prepared well. I come from a poor family. My family suggests that I must stop my studies and get a job. But I want to study further. My mind and heart say that I have lost something in my life, as this type of failure seems continuous. All my friends have completed their studies in engineering and I’m the only one left out. They don’t talk to me, maybe because of my lack of education. Please tell me what I can do now.
Sandeep

A. Education is an important factor these days. I understand that you want to support your family and want your friends to respect you but this must not be the thought process when one goes for an exam. That’s the reason why you feel the pressure and don’t end up going. It’s important to dedicate time honestly to your studies, enjoy them, work hard and you will enjoy giving your exam too. It will be like playing cricket or hanging out with your friends. Enjoy it. I understand you have responsibilities towards your family and I think you can manage to do both. A lot of acting students do jobs as well as study acting. They are fulfilling their responsibilities and getting educated at the same time. If you look at it differently, you will realise that you find it easier to do both and you will be a happier person.

Q. I’m 18 years old. I’ve been reading your articles for the past one-and-a-half years. I want you to give me some solutions to my problems. My father and mother keep fighting the whole day and both of us (me and my sister) have lost our peace of mind. We are not able to concentrate on our studies or figure anything out. I tried explaining to them but now I am tired of doing that. People blame me for being serious about everything in life. And if I take things easy, they blame me for that too. How do I look at life? I am really confused. Please help me sort out things and discover where I am going wrong.
Swathi

A. I must say that you are an incredibly brave girl and I am sorry that parents who are supposed to protect their children are putting you and your sister in a situation like this. Since the atmosphere in your house is unpleasant and your parents don’t realise what they are doing, you could maybe see a counsellor. He/ she will be able to guide you and tell you how to go about it and maybe eventually you could convince your parents to go with you too. I think you already are in charge of yourself and your sister and that is a wonderful quality to have at your age where you have taken charge of your life. It’s important to live in a warm atmosphere and while you may be able to rationalise what is going on, it might be difficult for your sister. You must bring that to your parents’ notice. It is very important to live in a peaceful atmosphere in this day and age where the outside world is so taxing and demanding whether in school or work. I truly wish that your parents change their attitude towards you and your sister.

Q. I am in college and am from a middle class family. My parents however, have sent me to the best school and college. My school friends come from rich homes; they have cars and things that I can’t afford. I feel low and am slowly tearing away from them. I don’t know how to deal with this pressure.
Samira

A. Life will always put you in situations where you will find someone you will compare yourself with, not necessarily someone better than you. This habit may cause you to feel superior too. I think if your parents have sent you to the best school and college, they have gone out of their way to give you the best. Yes, we are all human and comparisons come to us naturally but I think you should not indulge in comparisons. I get a feeling that your friends probably don’t feel the same way. It’s a matter of your thinking and attitude towards life. You need to change that. You have so many things to be happy about and so much to learn and enjoy and contribute to the world and your family.

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