Our beliefs separate us from the crowd

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Q.I am a 15-year-old girl from Pune. My friends and my family are completely different and I find it very difficult to understand who I should be like. My parents are religious and have certain ideas of how one should be, whereas my friends are all about being modern and open-minded. I feel lost and this affects my studies and everything else.

Shweta

A. This is a problem faced by every teen in her/his life in modern India. India is going through a transition phase where we are trying to redefine our identity, where the world is becoming smaller and smaller with globalisation and technology. It’s very easy in today’s time to confuse imitation with growth. You are going through a confusion about what is right for you. I suggest you stick to the values given to you by your family. Having personality means being comfortable with who you are. If you want to stand out from the crowd, you have to stick to your convictions.

Q. I am working for an Indian IT giant. Publicly, the top management emphasises its values of integrity: that they don’t offer bribes to get contracts and so on. However, this ‘integrity’ loses its value when it comes to billing customers. Bills are inflated every month to extract $1,500-2,000 extra for each project. I don’t know what to do as our middle management is in-volved and I feel that directions must come from the top. Please advise.

Anand Bhatt

A. Unfortunately, this paradox is faced by many youngsters, who want to believe that one day they can have a corruption-free India. And being an optimist and with people like you around, it may seem like a far away dream today, but it can be a reality someday. Maybe you could write an anonymous letter to your bosses and inform them about the malpractice taking place, backed by some evidence. At the end of it, all of us have to live by our own principles, however uncomfortable they make us. Our beliefs make us who we are and separate us from the crowd, making leaders out of us.

Q. I am from Nagpur and I’ve had a relationship with a widow, who is four years older, for the past two years. I am a bachelor and we love each other very much, but she has two kids who don’t accept me. Her son is 16 and he always threatens her. I want to marry her and my parents are ready to accept her.

Sunil

A. I would like to applaud you and your family for the courage and modern app-roach in accepting a widow and her kids. At the same time I don’t blame her son for not being comfortable towards you. He must be coping with the loss of his father and must be finding it an act of betrayal on his part to accept another man for his mother. It’s very natural.
You will have to win his confidence with lots of love and patience. Even his mother will feel fully committed to you if her teenage son accepts you with a smile. Let time pass by and be patient. It may help if you place yourself in the son’s shoes.

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