Scrutinise the message
Well meaning advice is often misunderstood. And sometimes, actions too are misunderstood and misinterpreted. This is because few of us can actually come to grips with our egos and vanities and deficiencies. And sometimes we cannot understand the larger truths, not because we are not capable of grasping the essentials, but because we are clouded over and our perspectives are genuinely flawed.
The best example I can give you is when you look up at the night sky from any major city and you see just a few stars shining above. Move out a few miles and you will see thousands more! Where did they come from? The fact is that it is your same vision, and the same distance you have from these heavenly bodies. But in the big cities, we are blinded by ambient light, the thousands of bright lights in hoardings, our homes, in malls etc., that detract our visual acuity. It is the same effect you have when you drive at night and a truck shines its headlights at you. You are momentarily blinded until the vehicle passes you. Shorn of such lighting, in the villages, we can see much more of the skies.
Last week I met a woman from one of our numerous media institutes who aspires to beco-me a film director eventually. She had worked with my colleagues as a journalist and was now switching tracks. As a ‘thinking’ person, she was naturally quite independent in her outlook, which created some problems with her boyfriends, as she told me candidly. Though they all liked her initially, when they wanted to settle down with her, they wanted her to change. And that was always the point which caused frisson in her relationships. She did not want to change as she saw signs of submission to her boyfriends’ demands.
I could make out that she was digging in her heels, much as youngsters do, when confronted with advice to change their attitudes. I told her that instead of seeing red in any advice that emanated from her boyfriend, she should examine the merit in the suggestion. I told her that she should honestly hold the mirror to herself and see in the reflection if the change which was suggested was truly good for her. And if it was, she should accept that advice, independent of who gave it; be it her mother, father or boyfriend. It was only if she examined herself from that perspective could she truly realise her potential.
I am glad she immediately saw the wisdom of what I told her — of shifting her perspective from her boyfriend to herself — and thanked me for that unsolicited advice!
I have experienced that when I have sometimes offered advice, I have been misunderstood. Some have seen motives in my opinion and others have felt that they become small if they accept my advice.
I can only say that in life, instead of scrutinising the messenger, we should learn to scrutinise the message.
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