When lovers cannot take no for an answer
When one thinks of all consuming, will-do-anything-for-you love, this is hardly what one has in mind. A 38-year-old much married man named Niyaz, allegedly set himself on fire in front of his girlfriend Veena’s house in the Kamla Market area of Delhi recently, when she refused to reciprocate his intentions of marriage. He survived, but with 90 per cent burns and perhaps will never recover.
This is not the first time that such a crime of passion has come to light. Lovers often get self-destructive upon realising that their relationship is not exactly taking the path they had imagined. And as in this case, go to the point of self-immolation.
Dr Sameer Malhotra, head of department, psychiatry and psychotherapy, Fortis Hospital, states that such reactions could be common in people suffering from impulse control issues, indulging in typical behaviour when they can’t take a no for an answer. “Such problems make people really sensitive with low self-esteem and are unable to handle the situation. Also, one needs to take aspects like the duration, intensity and the commitments made in the relationship into account. When one feels betrayed or cheated then a sense of anger sets in, which either directs outside or on the person itself,” he tells us.
He says that it is necessary to look for other positive sides of one’s life while dealing with heartbreak. “One should rely on friends and family for support, considering that this is not the only relationship that one is involved in,” he says, adding that meditation could be helpful too in certain cases. He recommends psychiatric help when nothing else seems effective.
While one could think that harming oneself could be the only possible way to show one’s affection or induce guilt in the other person for their apparent wrongdoings, it just hastens the break up. Ananya Singh, an accountant, recalls a scary experience she once had with a boyfriend. “I told him that I would be unable to carry on the relationship any further, he started threatening me with suicide and blaming me for his consequences. But instead of evoking any sympathy, it just drove me away from him,” she says.
Though this kind of behaviour is hardly the correct way to show emotion, Abhik Bhattacharjee, a freelance writer adds that some might feel it’s calming to do so. “Who knows, one might consider this as a hyperbole for eternal love and make one imagine that this would be the only way to achieve peace,” he shares.
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