Negotiating with teenagers
This is the most unkindest of times for many a mother (and father, too) — parenting through the teenage years. Nothing you say is right, nothing they do is wrong!
A good way to calm the waters is by negotiating with your adolescent. In many ways, it is the ultimate test of your negotiating skills. The usual areas of discord are pretty clear: money, grades, going out at night, clothing and dress, chores around the house.
Try to look at those situations with fresh eyes. Empathise with your teenager by taking on his/her perspective. Indeed, think about how you may be contributing to the problem. Are you mirroring the way your parents treated you? Are you replaying ancient scripts that have little to do with the actual circumstances before you? To achieve mutually satisfying outcomes without those dreadful scenes, put your best negotiating skills to use!
Experts offer some concrete tips to negotiate with teenagers:
w Never negotiate when you’re angry or emotionally upset.
w Give full attention to your teenager — see him/her, hear him/her, note his/her body language.
w Speak calmly.
w Make it clear you understand his/her position and needs, make sure he/she understands yours.
w Focus on the immediate problem, don’t lapse into a litany of past grievances and mistakes.
w Brainstorm solutions that break through old rules and regulations.
MCT
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