Last week’s column about the phrase I coined, of calling teenage boys “hormone bombs” seems to have set off some explosions. A lot of youngsters wrote to me saying that they would make their girlfriends read the column. But a reader of my age wrote that I was being inconsistent — first
writing on philosophy, then the sacred power of intention, and the next week on sexual appetites of teenage boys.
He concluded saying that I must be a “horny old man” to have assumed that teenage boys eat and breathe sex all the time. Wow! I have been called names before, but this is spanking new. Horny old man eh? Thank you.
For starters, when you reach the age of 50, you either feel 30 or 70. Touchwood, I am 30. (I wanted to be “eighteen till I die,” but I gave up on that happily). On a film shoot I can effortlessly work 16 hours a day, on a trek I can walk 14 km a day. With God’s grace, I have never been hospitalised, and
even today can still beat a strong 20-year-old in arm wrestling. And I am not alone. I know dozens of friends of my age who are stronger, fitter and healthier. Our bodies are
still washed with hormones, and while we may look, dress and talk our age, we
can explode with adrenalin, dopamine, testosterone,
or whatever else, in a split second.
That doesn’t mean we will run after teenage girls or get cross-eyed each time we see a beautiful woman. It doesn’t mean we will surf porn in our spare time or talk about sex non-stop. We are not that kind of “horny old men”. Far from it. But it doesn’t mean we won’t get turned on either. It means that we are fortunate enough to be blessed with the best of both — a mature mind that can discern the right action for the moment, and an energetic body that
can support us in whatever we do.
I say this with a deep sense of humility, friend. If you are 50 and have a teenage son
or daughter, then it is imperative for you to possess
their strength, their zest and their energy while
cherishing the maturity and wisdom you would have earned through right thought and action. That’s the true way to be a parent and guide your children.
In order to be able to feel their feelings, you have to possess their strength and stamina. How on earth can you appreciate their feelings when you can’t feel it course through your own veins? That’s one reason why some parents get tired of their teen children. They experience only a vicarious sort of mental sensation, because they are too feeble to feel what their child is feeling — they have to mentally imagine and simulate it — and this makes them secretly irritated. This irritation at being “too old” is the real cause of lots of parent-child conflict. I coined that phrase, which has irked you, but I will say it again — only if you are a “hormone bomb” yourself can you truly appreciate and understand your teenage children.
As regards to my writing inconsistently, I plead guilty. I am at my readers’ service in this column. You can ask me any question — ranging from philosophy, relationships, your father’s stubbornness, your boyfriend’s dumbness — I will try to give you an honest, even if imperfect, answer.
That’s what “Cross Currents” is all about. It’s ever-flowing in all directions, here, there, everywhere, like life itself, always moving and changing shape, never the same from
the moment to the passing moment.