There are some people who have a talent that becomes an all-consuming passion as they express it on a professional level. Living with a singer or a musician whose first love is their art must be tough for family and friends. How do the dynamics of such relationships work, where a raga or an instrument sometimes takes over other aspects of the artiste’s life?
For singer Kailash Kher, his wife of two years Sheetal, is not just his companion, but the most understanding person in his life. Despite being married, with an 11-month-old son, Kailash says that Sheetal never complains about his hectic schedule or the fact that he never took her on a honeymoon. “She is really a blessing, I dread the thought of a wife who complains all the time.”
For many musicians, balancing family with their craft can be an uphill task, as the love for melody is all consuming.
Kailash believes that a musician’s life is tough as it also involves riyaaz and sadhana, so an understanding partner helps.
Agrees Abhay Sopori, santoor player and son of the legendary Bhajan Sopori. The young musician though unmarried, often saw his father going on tours and missing important family functions to play for an audience overseas. He feels it is a tough task to balance family and music.“Most of the time we are tuning the santoor, which is a tough instrument to play and requires time and patience to tune. Then we go for extensive rehearsals that take up a fair bit of our time, so I do feel that for a musician, his family always suffers if he is totally dedicated to his craft,” he says.
For a family man who says that music is his first love, his wife must be either a lover of music too or just totally understanding. “My mom is a lovely lady and she understands the complexities involved with being a musician’s wife. She has raised us so well that we too support our father in all his endeavours,” he adds.
Santoor playing has a tough technical side to it, which requires spending lots of time with fellow musicians like the tabla player or other back-up artistes. “The hours and hours of hard work do take a toll on your loved ones and one does feel that it is unfair to one’s wife, but if you have a relationship based on respect, you will have your partner’s full support,” he says.
On the contrary, the acclaimed musician Shujaat Khan feels quite the opposite. He says that though a musician loves his art, “Family comes first and always will, nothing is more important than them. As much as music is a part of my life, I think my wife and children will hold prime place in not just my life but also in my heart,” he says.
Music, he adds, is just one dimension of his personality, life is so much more.