Nothing emotional about marriage?

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“To me, marriage is an archaic and oppressive institution that should have been abolished years ago. And love? It’s magical comfort food for the weak and uneducated. Yeah, it makes you feel all warm and relevant but in the end, loves leaves you weak, dependent and fat,” says the character of Matthew McConaughey in the film Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.
Vikram Bhatt’s views are not far behind. Vikram, who has not only blazed a trail for his own brand of cinema, is also known for his unconventional personal life. In my years of knowing him, he always came across as a very outspoken, real person. When I was the Indian journalist doing the documentary Twenty Four Hours In Mumbai, the French journalist with me asked him superciliously, “What do you feel about poverty in India?” He answered cockily, “What do you feel about drugs in France? (sic).” That pretty much says it all.
Direct, self-assured, delightful. So his views on the current scenario on marriage, while unconventional, are stimulating. Is it obsolete according to him? Does marriage have consequence in our times or is it just an institution to give us support and succour? In this age many view it as a “contract” commissioned by the government ‘to disenfranchise intercaste, interfaith and interracial marriages’.
As we sit in his spacious sea-facing home, I observe that there is an engaging politeness about Vikram, and in that earnest expression is a hint of watchfulness — asking questions of me even as I am questioning him. And eloquent as they are, it is the eyes that reflect his cynicism about marriage, while trying all the time to be non-judgmental of those who still believe in this age-old institution. As we talk, his expression gives away that flicker of personal disappointment.
With a wry look he answers my query, “Marriage is a legal issue, seldom an emotional issue. A marriage of minds is more important. However, societal infrastructure is important. Marriages are broken all the time today, so how is it any more dependable than living together. It is an ironical paradoxical situation.”
He continues, “But then to each his own. If you feel documentation and ceremony is important, you have a right to it. Personally I don’t like it. What you get from each other is more important. You can cop out any day either way, isn’t it? There are different circumstances, different drivers for everyone.”
Given a chance would Vikram marry again? “I wouldn’t marry again. To me societal, ritualistic institutions don’t exist. Why does love and marriage have to be the same, I don’t confuse marriage with emotion. There is nothing emotional about marriage. Through time, marriage has been used for kings to retain their kingdoms and recently for business families as tradeoffs, and shouldn’t be confused for love.”
And what about love? “It has been invented by Archie’s cards, I think,” and we laugh together at his diverting observation. “Love is actually lust and companionship, a very marketable idea for people still looking for it. It is a very selfish emotion, an immediate response of ‘I love you’. It is a seeker. It is merely the old animal lust of mating and seeking someone who likes food, sex, music and you basically seek things in common. So you say to yourself, ‘Gotcha! That’s the combination I want.’ We’re all seeking a combo of requirements. Over time the person changes. Then you say you’re not in love, because you’ve changed.”
Stimulating views, intelligence and charisma, yes I look forward to seeing more of his work, often a welcome break from convention. Perhaps, the redone home will be like that — watch this space!

The author is a lifestyle columnist and a designer. You can mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com