Your column on Mr Right was an eye-opener… but what is the harm in hoping, wishing, praying… while you are going through a not-so-perfect relationship? — a teenager
What’s the harm in holding an image of Mr Right in your head while you carry on a current short-term romance with a Mr Not-so-Right? That’s basically your question. Answer. Don’t. There is a lot of harm.
For starters, Mr Right is a mythical character like the winged stallion of fairy tales. You can’t ride a horse and keep thinking of how wonderful it would be if it had wings and could fly. You won’t enjoy the ride, and you won’t be any nearer to flying over meadows. In short, you would have spoilt a perfectly good moment from lighting up your life.
Girls, you’re not in pigtails anymore, don’t fantasise. You can’t have it all. A good man is hard to find. If you find one, hold on to him and forget his imperfections. If he isn’t a good man, dump him right now and move on. Don’t hang on and fantasise. And forget imperfections. Imperfection is merely the signature of a unique individual.
A perfect person would be unendurable. Even the moon without its scars would look like a flat disc without depth or texture. If the guy was Mills & Boon perfect, he would surely be boring as hell. Or, he would be a fraud. Look at yourself. Don’t you see a deep error in craving the perfect guy? Can’t you see fear lurking beneath the craving? Don’t you realise you might have many flaws of your own — some you dare not admit? True, there is a romantic aroma in thinking yourself as a Cinderella waiting to be recognised as a princess. But the guy who walks around with a replica of your glass slipper surely isn’t the prince of your dreams — most likely, an impostor who has understood your illusions and is preparing to manipulate them. If your mind has thrown up an image of Mr Perfect or Mr Right, it’s because it’s in denial of its own grey shadows.
We all know nice girls who passed over one man after another until a time came when time passed them by — they outgrew their choices until their choices outgrew them. It’s the spinster formula. And it’s a trap.
If you can’t understand men, at least understand time. Surely this moment is far more important than the future moment yet to arrive. Surely this moment you need to live, laugh and love to the fullest. An hour or a day means nothing until you decide to put your heart and soul into experiencing it. Like wise men. Put your heart into your current relationship without a thought, a hope, or a wish for someone better. Or, get up and walk away. There is no third alternative.