Marriage is more than sex

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Hyderabad: The recent Madras High Court ruling on what constitutes a marriage has created more confusion in the already confusing area of sexual relationships.While the court was right in ruling that the woman with whom the litigant had two children and a long relationship, should not be disqualified from being considered a wife just because there was no document to prove they were married, the explanation the court gave for coming to this conclusion is open to question.The judgement says: “If any couple above the mandatory age of freedom indulges in sexual gratification, it would be considered as a valid marriage and they could be termed as husband and wife, as a result of their choice of freedom.” This seems to suggest that sexual consummation is the main legal requirement of a valid marriage.
“In some cases bachelors and spinsters adhering to their respective religion and culture with marriage solemnised, find that their conjugal rights for sexual consummation had not been fulfilled, then such a marriage is deemed to be a failure, void or lapse. Hence, the main legal aspect for valid marriage is consummation or sexual interaction, the point is squarely and wholly applicable,” the judgement reads.
Nowhere in the entire judgement is pre-marital sex mentioned, which complicates the matter.
Several social activists and sociologists have called it a ‘dangerous’ jud-gement which will expose the partners to blackmail and also make marriage binding even if the partners have sex just once!
Consenting adults who want to enter into a sexual relationship may now find themselves considered married whether they wish it or not. In fact, even sexual contact with a sex worker could be treated as marriage!
Social activist T.A. Devi says that the judgement is ridiculous as a sexual act with consent does not constitute permanent bonding. “At an immature age, when people mostly experiment with their sexuality, this will be very harmful for both men and women. A sexual act performed once must not be binding on an individual. The judge has given a wrong moral treatment to the act of sex,” she said.
While the judgement cannot be binding in every case as it was a single-bench judgement passed by a High Court, it can be cited as an example and taken advantage of by anyone so inclined. “There are several issues that the judgement needs to clarify such as the duration of the relationship, compatibility, commitment as well as obligations towards each other.
A relationship is much more than just sex and if every case of sexual contact is seen as marriage, it will be complicating the entire societal fabric,” said T. Hari Babu, professor of sociology at Hyderabad Central University.
Surprisingly, the judgment has its supporters. “It is a landmark judgment and one of the finest judgments I have seen in my career because on one hand it will control the sexual behaviour of people and ward off fragile relationships and on the other, it will also control the problem of sexually transmitted diseases as it will put a check on multiple sexual partners. Moreover, this will also be a deterrent to people who use girls by promising marriage and later do not fulfil the promise,” said Supriya Ghosh, a lawyer.\
Next: Pre-marital sex tough to prove

Pre-marital sex tough to prove
Kaniza Garari/DC
Hyderabad: City sexologists and urologists state that pre-marital sex is difficult to pro-ve medically as there is no evidence to indicate it.
For a man who has had sex there are no obvious physical changes. The age-old belief is that for a woman, a broken hymen is considered proof that she has engaged in the act of sexual intercourse.
The reality is that medical proof would be possible only after the woman gets pregnant and has a child, where the paternity and maternity tests would determine the parenthood. So it’s pretty clear from all this that any sort of medical examination for pre-marital sex does not exist.
Dr Subramanyam, a urologist, says, “It is difficult to prove whether a man has had sex or not. In the case of women, the state of the hymen may help determine it, but icannot help identify the man involved in the relationship. One will have to go by what the couple in question have to say.”
Dr K.V.R. Prasad says, “There can be evidence for rape as it is forcibly done and the woman goes to the police station, from where she is sent to the hospital for semen collection.
The corroborative evidence proves sex. But in the case of pre-marital sex, the evidence is was-hed out. The woman can opt for contraceptive pills or even go in for an abortion without anyone’s knowledge if she is not interested in the man.”
Medically, the option to prove pre-marital sex in the court of law is practically nil, unless and until there has been a long-term relationship and there is progeny to prove it.
Next: HC verdict opens pandora’s box
HC verdict opens pandora’s box
Chennai: Madras high court’s Monday ruling that ‘sexual relationship can be considered marriage’ has triggered a heated debate over age-old definitions of sex, marriage and pre-marital sex. It also brought back into focus the controversy courted by actor Khushbu nearly two decades ago. All hell broke loose when Khushbu, who was in the prime of her film career then, raised her voice for sex before marriage in an interview on AIDS awareness to an English magazine.
The actor had said young girls could have pre-martial sex with precautions so that they didn’t get sexually transmitted diseases. Also, she said no educated men must expect his wife or girlfriend to be a virgin.
When DC asked for her comments on the latest HC verdict she said, “The Madras high court order is the need of the hour to protect women. It also indirectly admits that pre-marital sex does exist, which I had spoken about way back in 1995 and had to face a lot of criticism and outrage.
She said the court observation that proof of marriage was not important if a man and a woman have had sex or have been in a live-in relationship, as it is considered as marriage, would definitely protect women. “It will also make couples think about getting into such a relationship. It opens a debate as to how the relationship will be defined.”
Khushbu’s remarks had kicked up a row with protests held in various parts of the state and a few political parties moved the court against her for trying to instigate youngsters into indulging in pre-marital sex in a conservative society which still believed in sex after marriage.
Despite facing a barrage of criticism, Khushbu stuck to her stand. The actor soon moved the SC challenging Madras HC uling, which dismissed her plea to quash criminal cases against her for the controversial remark. Three years ago, the Supreme Court dismissed all the 23 criminal cases filed against her for her remarks endorsing pre-marital sex and live-in relationships saying they were her personal views and none had any right to question the thinking of a person.
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Marriage laws are personal
Sudha Ramalingam
Marriage in laws as on date is the union of two consenting male and female not within any matrimonial bond and above the age of 21 and 18 respectively except among Muslims which permits polygamy.
Marriage laws are personal and hence except for the Special Marriage Act, all other marriages are governed by the religion to which the spouses belong to. Under the Hindu Marriage Act, only two Hindus can marry. Under the Christian Law, one spouse shall be a Christian. Under the Muslim law, one shall be a Muslim and the other a non-idol worshipper.
In India there is no recognition of common law marriages like in many western countries where when a man and woman live together for a given period they are recognised as married spouses and given to rights and liabilities arising out of a marriage.
It is the Protection of Women Against Domestic Violence Act, 2005 that for the first time recognised the fact of living together of spouses in India and gave woman the right to sue the male with whom she lives in a domestic relationship. This would include, father, brother, husband, son or a living in partner in the nature of a marriage too. But that does not presuppose a marriage or marital bond.
Sudha Ramalingam is an advocate and an activist.
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COMMENDABLE
The ruling of the Madras high court that ‘it is marriage if a single woman over 18 and a single man over 21 indulge in consensual sex’ is commendable. This, one feels, can help reduce (if not put an end to) cases of pre-marital and extra-marital affairs which of late are on the rise in the Indian society. It must be remembered that laws help human beings (in a great way) to cultivate good habits. After all, “habits make the man”.S. Ramakrishnasayee, Ranipet.
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MARRIAGE AND ITS VALIDITYThe report, ‘Sexual union can be marriage: HC’ which deals with the recent ruling of the Madras HC widening the definitionof the term “marriage” and on the validity of marriages makes interesting and thought-kindling reading .
The high court has ruled that if a single man of over 21 years indulged in consensual sex with a woman of over 18 years, they could be considered as “married” with the status of “husband and wife” .Moreover, if the woman concerned becomes pregnant on acount of such relationship, she has every right to be considered his wife and even if she does not become pregnant if there are documenaryt proof to establish their relationship, then also she would be considered as his” wife” entitled for relief in the case of divorce.
The Madras high court has further observed that tying of “thali” or exchange of garlands or rings and coming round the matrimonial fire pot are only religious practices and customs just for the satisfaction of society. The main legal aspect for a valid marriage is “consummation”
S. B.Vathsalan, Guindy