Fix the cracks

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A while ago, Sonu Nigam was furious with speculation about his marriage. But the fact is that there had been a breakdown of conjugal harmony, his wife had returned to her maternal home and speculation about divorce was rife with reason. An upset Sonu had acknowledged, “It’s a very routine situation and I’m working on it. I know my wife and I can solve the problem.” And solve it he did.

This is a case in point that proves that it is indeed possible to make up and move on even when a relationship has broken up to a point of ‘nearly-no-return’. The big ‘if’ is, ‘if’ you are lucky, tenacious and really have the desire to make it work.
However, with Karisma Kapoor’s on and off marital status with Sanjay Kapur, they tried too, but it seems to be a path strewn with rapids. They had separated post the birth of their first child in 2005. Even after newspapers had carried copies of their legal notices, they came together in a valorous attempt to make things work in 2010, and had another child too. Lately however, stories of their alleged estrangement and the fact that they are not living together seem to indicate that their efforts to work things out did not succeed.
So is it possible to make a fractured relationship work, or like the famous poet Kabir suggested in his doha, will it always have cracks? Will issues cloud the future and shards of cruel words said in anger always fetter the way? The answer is, it is possible to reconcile but the most constructive way is with professional counselling. You sit with an expert who assists you both to objectively bring out issues that lie dormant and sort them out with that impersonal expert to enable you to bring a scarred relationship on track.
“What you share with your ex is that history and cherished memories about a time in your life that was special, and the fact that you make an effort to work it out despite the challenges speaks of intensity and commitment in that relationship,” says world renowned relationship counsellor Mary Jo-Morgan.
Time is a great healer and you begin to see things differently than when trapped within a contentious atmosphere where you feel you have to prove you are right and make a point. What is important is growth, metamorphosis in your fixed notions, and the desire to see things through your partner’s eyes. If after some time and space, you feel the yearning to make it work, and most importantly your partner feels the same, then individual strength within you two will bring you both toward that effort, drive and power to bring back the ‘honeymoon’ period. Remember that if it is one-sided, it becomes difficult.
Interference and unwanted advice is avoidable, as it is always better to leave a couple to their own space and expert counsellors. As an irate Sonu Nigam had said back then: “I don’t think it is right for outsiders to get involved in anyone’s marriage... I must say all this is affecting my efforts to do the right thing by my marriage. Only my wife and I know the true facts. This hearsay cannot lead anywhere.”
Conversely what works miracles is support and encouragement from friends and family. To fuel the fire is the worst thing that can happen when a couple is vulnerable and struggling through questions and conflicts inside and out.