Won’t drag me to the theatre

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I think it was Suresh Babu, the son of Hyderabad’s movie baron D. Ramu Naidu, who hit the nail right on his (and my head). Theorised he, that there are certain actors-‘n’-actresses whom the ticket-buying public just doesn’t want to see.
That was a moment of ephiphany: The realisation that, there are “stars”, to use the quaint ole word, who induce the heebie-jeebies. Since Suresh Babu is an epitome of political correctness, he wouldn’t mention any names. But since I tend to shoot my mouth off, I gulped, “How true! I wouldn’t see a movie toplining Suneil Shetty or Shilpa Shetty for love or money.”
To my horror, years later — at least a decade — for me, the Suresh Babu theory has intensified, and how. There are quite a few prominent “stars” who give me the trembles. I either avoid their films completely, watch them in the line of duty (hey, I still write reviews!), or am dragged to them at the point of a bread-knife. And so since, I still tend to shoot my mouth off, here are the actors-‘n’-actresses who give me the humongous heebie-jeebies:
RANVEER SINGH: Is he for real? His grin, behaviour on and off screen (what to do, am addicted to the chitter-chatter columns!) and braggadacio personality, add up to an extrovert — the kind who wouldn’t think before jumping ahead of me in an airflight queue, besides hogging the armrest. But wait, I could be wrong on this Ranveer Romeo. Deepika Padukone likes him. She has taste. So, I’m waiting to be proven wrong.
ANUSHKA SHARMA: Although a product of the Aditya Chopra coaching class, she hams as if her life depended on spinning over the top. Possessed of a limitless smile, frantic body language, a voice that can shatter granite, and a wardrobe which yells, “Hey guys, I’m sexeeeee!”, Anushkaji’s personality is neither tomboyish nor remotely feminine. I wouldn’t be surprised if she wore stressed hot pants to the Viennese opera.
KANGNA RANAUT: Now if she’s a fashion diva — according to media pix showing her in faux elegant red gowns — then I’m as funny as Woody Allen.
Sure, she’s been appreciated for her pyschologically unhinged roles in the Bhatt Bros movies (Woh Lamhe, notably), but when she’s in an arrow-straight role, I want to head for the hillocks. The promos of her in I Love New Year as the next-door-gal in Manhattan, vibing with Sunny Deol, are giving me the hives already.
VIVEIK OBEROI: Anyone who can even assent to do a film titled K.L.P.D (aaah if you don’t know what that is, let ignorance be bliss), deserves to be avoided like the party animal who can’t quit cracking sexist jokes. This Santa-Banta I can do without, unless he stops being a B.O.R.E.
AMEESHA PATEL: She’s a mystery. Intelligent, well-read and all that, but suffers from so much insecurity that it’s claimed that she models, at her own cost, for non-existent products. And Ms Patel also seems to have concluded that her oomph is her forte. C’mon, the less flaunted the sexier. Bikinis and sarongs never rescued a career.
And last but not the least Aftab Shivdasani and Jackky Bhagnani. Nice guys maybe, but investing three hours in their movies? Forget it.