Where daayans dwell

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Shweta Tiwari

Ektaji, who gave us sati savitri ladies with long-long front pallus and sindoor-spouting scalps, women who, when wronged, suffered for many episodes before deigning to extract revenge bit by bit, has moved to the other realm, to the duniya where pret aatmas dwell.

Her women now, if tormented or killed, return in a different shape and form, but with full memory of the evil deed, to extract revenge.
All this, of course, is for a purpose. This is Ekta Kapoor’s unique way to publicise her soon-to-be-released film, Ek Thi Daayan. She’s taken all her telly leading ladies, past and present, and given each one an episode where they encounter and then annihilate one-one daayan each (Life Ok).
Ektaji being a creative and smart lady, gives us an interesting assortment of daayans. They come in all shapes and sizes, from different regions and, thus, with different sartorial leanings. There are little baby daayans in frocks, bearded male daayans in jeans, and of course hot, young daayans in saris — silks, chiffons, designer works. All have different compulsions to freak people out before hanging, throwing, slashing, crushing, burning them. Ektaji’s ladies turn into daayans because they were ditched by their boyfriends, or were murdered needlessly, or had their job/love interest taken from them. Of course there are career daayans as well, daayans who are just, you know, into being daayan, and climbing the daayan ladder. Daayans, as a rule, like skulking on ceilings, hovering about in forests, but they get their real jollies when they use the power of their dark vidya to stun a mumbling-grumbling Aghori baba.
Now that Ektaji has gone the daayan way, others must follow. And of all the shows, Emotional Atyachaar (Bindaas) has got into the daayan act. It seems that in Bharat desh, young boys are not just being tortured by cheating chicks, but also chalu chudails who come wearing mini skirts over shapely legs, and act all sexy and horny. Once the boy is almost unconscious with excitement, the sexy chudail plucks the boy’s hair. What chudails do with these hair samples is not very clear, but an educated guess would be that they use boys’ hair to control them. What’s a tuft of hair in return for life-long sex, snogging and the fact that the chudail girlfriend will never age? Seems like a great bargain to me. But, apparently, boys don’t like being snogged by chudails and bhootnis, and neither do they appreciate their hair being plucked. That’s why one boy came complaining and whined away for an entire episode about his chudail girlfriend who, in my opinion, was a really nice lady. She was keeping so many boys happy and busy at the same time. That they had small bald patches on their heads was really not so significant.
Since I was on a chudail trail, I had to visit Anamika (Sony), where Anamika the hot chudail is on a tight deadline. You see, chudails have special offers on purnima ki raat. If they have a few quick shots of blood and get what they want on this night, then she can live in chudail-bliss forever. That is why these days Anamika the hot chudail keeps going in and out of Rano. But this is happening so often that I’m afraid Rano will soon start believing that she’s not a girl but ek hip boutique ka trial room. And then we’ll get another chudail show, about a pret aatma who pretends to be a changing room, but is, really, an angry chudail who beats all customers trying to get into clothes one size too small. Now here’s an idea for Ektaji’s next chudailish venture.