My son, my solace

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My husband Gary Sewell wooed me for years when we were in college and as much as I wished he would change, I knew I was falling in love with him. When he promised that he would change his errant ways and work hard towards building a future with me, I agreed to marry him. We took our vows in a beautiful church that we would be with each other through sickness and health; 17 years into this tumultuous marriage that involved multiple occasions of adultery and alcoholism, he broke all those vows and deserted me in Riyadh.

Right till that day and even for a while after, I believed he had the chance to change.
We got married against the wishes of our families, and perhaps I can blame it on my naïveté then, but I thought my parents didn’t know him well enough. Problems began to surface in the relationship early on. When we were making the move from the UK to Riyadh, Gary chose to go earlier. Wary that he didn’t share all the contact details, I decided to follow him soon after he had just shifted. What I saw was among the worst horrors I would’ve ever envisioned. My husband, who had befriended some British men in Riyadh was having a wild party with Filipinos, and other women who paraded around in bikinis. My world came down crashing as I was angry, hurt, dejected and more than anything else terribly disappointed with him. He told me he would never repeat such a thing again and I was too naïve that I believed him. That didn’t stop and on another occasion he got another woman home and I walked in on them.
The problem in Riyadh is that you can’t approach the police without any male companion who should either be your son or husband. I wanted to file a complaint against my husband who refused to change his ways and continued to indulge in debauchery.
One month after moving to Riyadh, in June 2008, he left the house as usual and said he was going on a work trip for two days. I haven’t seen him since.
I grew worried and suspicious after the third day and went to his office to check what had exactly happened. I realised that he had fled the country and had cancelled my son Shayne’s and my visas. And I had just a few days left to get home. At that point in time I had no money and would have to vacate the house we were living in.
Our house manager was kind enough to let us stay for some more days and then finally asked us to leave. I went to the police station with my son and told them about my case to which they turned a deaf ear. Instead, they locked me and my son in a cell for a few hours. My son couldn’t make sense of what was going on but was sure that we were in trouble. He was extremely scared and I had to keep telling him to have faith in God as he was definitely up there doing something to help us.
I still don’t know why he would get Shayne and me to Riyadh and leave us stranded alone there without support. Finally, with the Indian embassy’s intervention, we managed to get back to India, but no one has so far helped us in finding my missing husband.
I know he is alive since we’ve been embroiled in a legal battle over judicial separation. As the Bible doesn’t endorse divorce, we’re looking to be judicially separated. His whereabouts were traced to the UAE and Hong Kong since he sends the power of attorney for this separation process from these two places to his family.
My in-laws have been least co-operative. My mother-in-law and brother-in-law have issued me with constant threats and haven’t told me about my husband’s whereabouts. My mother-in-law was never happy with the marriage and was always against it. She turned her son into an alcoholic and that’s where problems stemmed from.
My son Shayne is the future I look forward to. He is the only one I keep fighting for. Though he missed his schooling because of our problems, he picked up very well, and even though he might not be academically bright, he is an intelligent boy. He could read the Bible miraculously when he was six. He knew his mother was going through a tough time. Here is a child who has seen death closely while being tortured by his father. His father once hung him out of the terrace from a high-rise and threatened to drop him. The child has seen so much of trauma that today as I try to give him normal education, he is far more mature and understanding.
I derive strength from God, Shayne and women who have experienced the hell that I have gone through. It was an extremely difficult phase and still is, but I know that by keeping faith, I’ll get somewhere. I want Shayne to study well and be a well-grounded human being.
I believe in giving and I teach moral studies at Sunday school in our church, and also do voluntary work as an activist for a human rights NGO. I believe our trials have made us stronger and sensitive towards others. My mother and sisters have stood by me firmly. I couldn’t have asked for more. As far as my husband goes, I still believe that one day, he would change. Right now I want law to take its course. I don’t think I can fall in love with another man and would only pray for my husband to come back and change.