Is fantasy world killing your realistic chance?

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Illustration: tuhin Chakraborty

There is a most famous statement that has come down from the scriptures: “Act without expectation about the fruits and rewards of your action. That’s the way to lead a fulfilled, successful and thrilling life.” I know we are not discussing philosophy here. We are trying to harness the power of intention within us, but read on anyway.

The statement sounds silly and pompous to a youngster who is hell bent on impressing a girl, passing an exam or trying to get a job. How on earth can you achieve anything if you don’t have expectations, ambition or the desire to succeed? We are too used to thinking about what we want all the time. It’s only normal behaviour.
But then give it another thought. Continuous expectation of getting something does not ensure it becomes a reality. That’s not the power of intention. Not at all. You can daydream non-stop about getting lucky with that girl but it’s not going to get you an inch closer to actually dating her. And what’s worse is that when you are actually out there talking to her, the very thought that you want her so badly comes in your way and spoils your chances.
In fact the guys who don’t have girlfriends are usually the ones who fantasize about them the most. The guy who is a killer cat with the chicks will just go and talk to a girl, take her out, date her, chat up with her — just so effortlessly. How does that happen? Freeing your mind from the garbage of desire and expectation frees your present moment, allows you to act with power and grace and maximises your chance of success. This isn’t just true with teenage dates, it’s true about everything else you do in life.
There is another problem with keeping the desire pot bubbling in your head. Your mind can conjure up so many weird and unrealistic things and when you actually get the object of your desire you will find it strange and unappetising, because it’s like nothing you imagined. Most youngsters who keep fantasising about boys or girls can never be happy with a real boy or girl. That’s because the fantasy woman is anything you want her to be. She can wear lingerie to a math class.
You can lap dance with her anywhere, anytime. She never complains about your untidiness or lack of hygiene or the fact that you lack etiquette. Real girls need caring, attention and good grooming on your part. So a guy who keeps desires and ambitions and fantasies rolling in his head will usually end up to no good, simply because his mind, happy with the fantasy, becomes his enemy and prevents him from winning in real life.
A real winner never thinks too much about what he wants. Once, maybe twice is all. He then goes and tries to get his goal with a calm cool head, unafraid of failure or uncorrupted by previous success. Remember this: There is a world of a difference between desiring a girlfriend and actually having a girlfriend. The first is just a mental construct in your head. The second is a manifested reality in the form of a living human being. If you get too used to the first, your mind will see to it you won’t get the second. If you shun the first and focus only on getting the second, your mind, starved of desire, will then move heaven and earth to make it a reality. Understand this deep truth carefully friend. More on this next week.