Bumps ahead for puppy love

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Mostly I find Kunal Kohli’s films very annoying, none more so than the Aamir Khan-starrer Fanaa where he just wouldn’t stop the sher-o-shairi. The only Kunal Kohli film I sort of enjoyed was Hum Tum, and that was almost entirely because of the presence of Rani Mukerji and not the corny love story she was enacting. Teri Meri Kahaani, thankfully, is not annoying. It is, in fact, mildly entertaining. But it is totally pointless.
Teri Meri Kahaani is actually teen prem kahaniyan, all three starring Priyanka Chopra and Shahid Kapoor and one minor speed bump.
The first one, and the most entertaining one, is set in Mumbai 1960. Rukhsar (Priyanka) is a Bollywood star and Govind (Shahid) a struggling musician who lugs around a guitar. They meet in a train coupe, hers, share some jamuns and jokes, and when the journey from Pune to Mumbai ends, Rukhsar leaves with flushed, warm cheeks and a coy smile.
Shahid goes to a guesthouse where he inadvertently flashes and entertains a cute neighbour (Speed Bump 1 played by Prachi Desai). Search for work takes Govind to film studious and to Rukhsar’s make up room. They meet again, at a hotel, where he is playing the guitar and then the saxophone in a band, a la Shammi Kapoor, and she is wearing Mumtaz’s hairdo, orange sari bleached white, but without the original's oomph and energy.
This first story is quite cute because it plays out like a silent film, with a great background score, intertitles, exaggerated expressions and a gossip columnist who chases the couple around. Also, the 1960s look, though far removed from reality and almost entirely a figment of Kunal Kohli & Company’s overexcited imagination, is delightful because of the lovely vintage stuff it is comes with — gorgeous cars to cute clothes, collectible match boxes to romantic carved lamp posts. Not for a second, however, does it feel like we are in any part of India. Even Rukhsar and Govind behave like they are in and of England.
Next up is real England, circa 2012 where Krish and Radha are students at different universities. This itself is jarring because it’s hard to watch this mature pair walk about with empty backpacks, pretending to be hormonal youngsters. Anyway, Mira (Speed Bump 2 played by Neha Sharma), is Krish’s annoying ex-girlfriend who just won’t let go of him. But like in the previous story, Krish and Radha run into each other, literally, and then after BBMing, texting, Facebooking and a brief misunderstanding, get united. Despite the trip to Stradford-Upon-Avon, this story is idiotic.
Up next is the story of Javed and Aradhana in Sargodha, Lahore, 1910. She is the daughter of a stern Sikh freedom fighter and he is a local dil-phaink ashiq. Father obviously disapproves of Javed, and so does Aradhana when he ducks and escapes while her father is being attacked by the gora sahibs. Shamed by her teary look, he more than makes up for his wimpy behaviour, land in jail and she comes rushing to nurse him back to health and sing more than one song expressing everlasting love. The Speed Bump here is freedom fighter father, though the lovers do unite in the end.

Teri Meri Kahaani doesn’t have a point to make with these three stories except, perhaps, that “love rocks”. The film rests almost entirely on the star power of Priyanka Chopra and Shahid Kapoor, and they too dip only into the well of their starry personas, not bothering to engage even a muscle or two for the sake of keeping their acting repertoire alive. They carry their roles on the power of their charm and period couture. Period. Because the film doesn’t really have a story, it has lots of songs. Though written by Parsoon Joshi and set to peppy music by Sajid-Wajid, after interval it feels like you are watching Chitrahaar, with one song following another in quick succession. The choreography ranges from middling to bizarre (do note the crotch-scratching step in Humse Pyaar Kar Le Tu).
Teri Meri Kahaani should be arriving on cable channels soon, and will make for a decent lazy Sunday afternoon home viewing. But if, like me, you have an embarrassing love for mock vintage stuff, the first story is really worth a watch on the big screen.