As a choreographer I’ve often noticed how dancers within a group tend to fall in love and develop attraction towards each other. Love and romance within such a group is a common phenomenon.
There’s fluttering of eyelashes, shooting glances at each other, dancing with each other and with romance blossoming between dancers.
Having been a teacher and choreographer for over a decade now, I’ve observed how dancers sneak away during lunch breaks or during chai breaks. Most of them were quite adorable when they would throw naughty glances at each other during shows and events. Dance group romance for many is fun till they enjoy the initial phase of romance. Unlike previous scenarios of break-ups, where you could walk away and grieve in peace, dealing with this is a whole new ballgame. A little dance group fling never hurts anyone, or does it? How does one deal with romance gone sour? Working together in the same group means seeing each other on a daily basis. It’s difficult, awkward and downright painful as well.
So here you are, just dumped after what seemed like a perfect affair. How does one mask those emotions? For many dancers interacting with the person can be emotionally exhausting. Don’t fume, scowl or accidentally spill coffee on their show clothes. You will attract unnecessary and unwanted attention to your relationship.
Start by mentally preparing yourself to see your ex at dance hall. When you accept this fact, emotional energy rises within you to help you cope better. You are expecting things to be difficult and are ready to deal with it. During an encounter, control your feelings, focus on your work and stay composed. Seeing him/ her in the rehearsal hall or class might even work in your favour as shock therapy and help you heal faster.
Usually, the uncertainty of an ex’s whereabouts can be quite unnerving since one does not have the liberty to call and check. In a class or practice, seeing them every day helps you soak in the reality.
Be professional, you are working together on a show or a routine, but your ex is making things difficult and awkward. How do you keep your work from getting affected? A dancer, who worked with me before, had to holler at her partner cum ex four times to make him listen but after the break up, he ignored her completely. Things got ugly when he chose to not tell her the changes in the choreography, making her miss her steps at the time of the show. She later explained to me the situation, I in turn made sure the two did not work in the same dance group again. It was just sad to see a good partnership come to an end. I wish they behaved professionally and did not do such childish things.
Realise that work comes first and learn to be professional in your attitude towards it. An impulsive reaction can cause severe damage to years of hard work and a good reputation. Deal with emotions outside the dance space. Impulsively quitting a well-paying, well-adjusted job usually doesn’t pay well in the long run. If it’s too much for you to handle, ask for a change in the group. Change jobs or dance school only when you see a suitable opportunity. Remember it is your passion to dance that got you in there and not your ex.
Chinese whispers are a common thing too and colleagues are busy gossiping about your relationship. How to play it cool? Eventually, everyone will know about the break up, so you can show better judgement by being discreet. Avoid posting status updates on social networking websites. If asked, remain calm and politely change the subject. It will put an end to additional rumours and indicate that you are not interested in discussing the matter. Behave mature and remember a dancer is known for the maturity of the passion they have for the art and the artists.
Your ex has started seeing someone else, and he /she is now dating another dancer. In such a situation hold on to your dignity, it is always heartbreaking to know that your ex has found a rebound. Take it as a strong signal that they have moved on and so should you. Resist the urge to snoop around or ask other dancers about sordid details. It is a waste of precious emotional energy; flirting with the other dancer just to get some attention won’t help you feel any better. Take a break from the dance rehearsals or classes for a while and hold your emotions before you hit the floor again. Indulge yourself and enjoy things that make you feel good.
Dance is an expression of emotions and when emotions are weak and unstable it is difficult to give good results. So best is to keep your heart away from all the stress of the ex and get involved into you first love dance!