Brushing blues

“There are no toothbrushes in Singapore”. Yep let me repeat that, but this time in a Malay accent. “There are no toothbrushes in Singapore”. Don’t get me wrong, the people in Singapore are very clean, extremely hygienic and pretty health conscious. So there must have been a time when toothbrushes were found in abundance. Unfortunately, in the past week, none have been located thus far.

Mind you at a certain 7/11 store I did find an eyebrow pencil and an eyeliner brush, which to the naked eye, untrained eye could have easily passed as a toothbrush. However, ever since puberty my eye has not been what you can possibly classify as untrained! So seven days in Singapore passed without a toothbrush.
Day one and two passed off quite nicely, as my wife had not noticed. But by day three, the authorities in nearby Malaysia and Bangkok were complaining about the odour. Despite all this pressure our holiday was controlled by a anti-fungal unflexible force, also occasionally known as my wife. Toothbrush or no toothbrush we could not tread off the beaten path. Each and every micro second had been accounted for. Day three saw us at the newly-opened Universal Studios. This could be aptly dubbed as a kid’s dream or a father’s nightmare. The place was endless roughly the size of the Sahara desert and easily 12 degrees warmer.
We were informed (by we I mean the wife and kids as none by then in the whole of Singapore had the courage to address me upfront) by the authorities that there were roughly 10,000 people in the park. However, by my personal calculations there were just over 16 million individuals crammed into the Sahara. To be honest it felt like we were back in India except at Universal probably had more Indians. After trying a variety of intimidating activities like standing with Goldilocks in a Goldilocks costume or getting your picture taken by an equally shattered thespian, we got our first taste of a roller coaster.
As this was one of the more popular rides the queue was three kilometres long. It took us roughly a one-and-a-half hour wait for the one-and-a-half minute ride. The ride of course was great fun, especially if you enjoy being suspended upside down, 200 feet from planet earth while travelling at the speed of light. At the end my teeth were chattering which was great news. Another ride like that and I would have no need for a toothbrush.
Having tasted blood the family were off to the more difficult roller coaster or as I like to call it the second roller coaster. This was even more popular so we spend an additional three hours waiting for the train, so to speak. This was even higher and faster than the last. And just to get you in the mood it started off with you being parallel to the ground. That normal, educated, wealthy people actually pay money for this experience is one of life’s great mysteries. One that science alone can’t answer.
Next up was the Indiana Jones recreation. The “Rapid River Rides”. This ride explained exactly why Harrison Ford aged so fast. The queue to get in broke all existing records. As for the ride may I just say if you’ve had an oily lunch it really isn’t such a good idea. We left the universe with body parts all entangled. The bad thing was we needed a day to recover from this... err... experience. The good thing was now a toothbrush seemed the least of my problems.
However if you are vertically challenged I recommend the Universal rides for you. Never will you again see such a level playing field. Now if you’ll excuse me I just reached home and waiting for me with arms unfolded is a... err ...a well ...a toothbrush.