Thain-thain phish

[1]

Indians have a thing for khandaans, and nowhere more so than in politics and, of course, Bollywood. That’s why debuts of star kids are important landmarks in the filmy almanac. Everybody gets excited and makes these occasions special in the hope that a star will be born who will rule the box office. Few, however, make the cut. Rishi Kapoor did, with Bobby, and so did Aamir Khan with Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak, Sunny Deol with Betaab and Hrithik Roshan with Kaho Naa... Pyaar Hai. Most others, despite best intentions and lots of preparation, including weight loss, dance lessons and body sculpting, are not worth recalling. Now add to that long list of lukewarm debuts Arjun Kapoor’s Ishaqzaade. Though the young son of Boney and Mona Kapoor has a lot of potential, director Habib Faisal’s film doesn’t exploit it.
Despite the fact that it is a Yash Raj production, and that the film’s story has been written by Aditya Chopra and Faisal, who, incidentally, holds a certificate of merit for Band Baaja Baaraat's screenplay and dialogue, and also directed the small and sweet Do Dooni Chaar, Ishaqzaade is inconsistent. It starts off well, then dips, rises for a bit, but then dips decidedly.

Ishaqzaade is set in the mythical town of Almore, somewhere in Uttar Pradesh. This is a two-jeep town with one diesel depot and one much-coveted item girl. Diesel and item girl are in demand the day we land here because the town’s two warring political families, the Chauhans and the Qureshis, need both for a party they are throwing — to gratify potential voters before election day.
Whether Surya Chauhan and Aftab Qureshi belong to two rival parties or are independent candidates in the state Assembly elections is not made clear. What is made amply clear is that the rivalry is deep and every member of each family holds a grudge against the other, especially Surya Chauhan's grandson Parma (Arjun Kapoor), and Aftab Qureshi's daughter, Zoya (Parineeti Chopra). They have been chucking stones and abuses at each other since childhood. Now both are in the same college, he spending his fifth year in first year, while she is a topper and his senior.
Anyway, Qureshis get Chand Baby (Gauhar Khan), the Chauhans get the diesel thanks to Parma. But Dadaji is never happy with Parma, despite the fact that he puts all his energies into making sure that his Daddu wins every war. So when Dadaji asks about Chand Baby, Parma gets on his bike, crashes into the Qureshis' party and brings her over. Chand Baby doesn't seem worried about dodging bullets while riding pillion and dedicates her item number to Parma, who obliges by shaking his eight-pack.
Parma has a widowed mother who is relegated to a barsati in the Chauhan haveli. Though Parma is a Chauhan, he is treated like a pointless extra by the other Chauhans. So he has the nihilism and demeanour of a slightly nutty waif. Parma is very attached to his mother, who doesn’t want her son to grow up like the rest of the Chauhans. But he is one up on them. He burns the town’s only diesel depot on a whim and doesn’t think before walking into the Qureshis’ haveli. He pauses just once, to point the nozzle of his gun at Zoya’s forehead.
The Qureshis’ ladli Zoya is also a borderline delinquent and is itching to fight her daddy’s battles, with guns, gaalis and more. She drives a jeep, just like the boys, and excitedly exchanges her gold earrings for a country-made revolver.
One day, when Zoya is hectoring her college mates to vote for her daddy, Parma unzips and starts pissing on Aftab Qureshi's photo on an election poster: “Nehla doonga, pila bhi doonga”. Zoya, livid, slaps him. Parma immediately takes out his gun and again points it at her head. Zoya doesn’t blink, insists that he says sorry.
He doesn’t. But later he grabs her in the girl’s toilet, tells her that he’s fallen in love and whispers in her ears, “Maaf karke”. She challenges him to come home to ask for maafi, which he does. Bus, Zoya is also madly in love with the boy she has hated all her life.
There’s wooing, cute talk, bike rides and, very soon, marriage and suhag raat — but all this is part of Parma’s devious plan. Some photos are circulated and Dadaji wins elections. The Qureshis are in a rage. Their munni is now badnaam. Zoya is more angry than sad, so she grabs her gun and heads for the Chauhan house.
Given the amount of bullets that are fired in Ishaqzaade, the ratio of dead bodies is hysterically tiny. Just one, before the climax. But it is tragic and twists the story again, suddenly.
Rivalries firm up, rivals join hands; lovers fight, then unite, running together and shooting at family members. And as often happens in debut films, there is a tragedy in the end. But it is so sudden, so silly and so excessive that you remain cold to it.

Ishaqzaade begins as a hard-hitting, loud, foul-mouthed political drama in the Hindi heartland, an unlikely and, hence, exciting offering from the House of the Chopras. But suddenly it goes all sweet and lovey-dovey and takes to swinging and singing in an amusement park.
When Arjun Kapoor and Parineeti Chopra are being rough with each other, even in the love scenes, the screen crackles. But when the lovers, to escape familial thain-thain, take a detour to Chand Baby’s kotha for some quick smooching and making out, and emerge a while later to return the thain-thain with more thain-thain, before developing suicidal tendencies, it's very fatiguing. Especially because the film's screenplay is incredibly meager. For a long time nothing really happens except for a lot of thain-thain and chases through narrow lanes and terraces.
Though the writer-director has paid some attention to the characters of the lead pair, they often act out of character, constantly challenging our connect with them.
The film's sudden U-turns are annoying and the only explanation I can offer is that Ishaqzaade is really keen to deliver some messages about votebank politics and inter-caste marriages.
Despite the film’s shortcomings, Arjun Kapoor is totally convincing as the slightly off-centre young Parma. His urchin-like mannerisms are endearing. Parineeti Chopra is good, too, but that the film has to keep telling us how beautiful she is very annoying. Gauhar Khan isn’t a sizzling item girl, but she does make a good tawaif with a heart of gold.
The film’s music, by Amit Trivedi, is lovely.