Marriage in movieland

[1]

Now, now, I’ve never ever heard of or seen just-about-to-weds stage a preview of their shaadi, and its preceding love story, and that too at a film awards event. Huh, whatever happened to the supposedly mild-mannered Riteish Deshmukh and the smile machine Genelia D’Souza?

Posters of her and Anushka Sharma should be plastered in every dentist’s office. Anyway the point here is that after years and years of courtship, a marriage is something of a sacrosanct event — but there they were, twirling and cooing away for the rest of the world to see. Obvious intention: to publicise their upcoming Tere Naal Love Ho Gaya.
If you ask me, they just murdered any curiosity in the strangely titled movie with a Punjabi tadka, ostensibly because that may jack up ticket sales (somewhat) in the northern belt. A title on the lines of Kya Koolest Hain Hum would have been more appropriate since that happens to be a step up on Mr Deshmukh’s most successful film in eons. The others? Well, forget it.
In fact, it’s impossible to fathom what showbiz wants. The media is constantly whipped for ‘invading privacy’ and all that jazzbazz. For donkey’s years, both Riteish and Genelia denied that they were seeing each other, that they’re just friends till they decided to stop the charade. It would be a learning experience to tabulate the Guinness record-breaking number of denials. Priyanka Chopra and Shahid Kapur were the earlier record-holders. Just makes me see fire red that the media is so blatantly hoodwinked.
Currently, the print as well as the electronic media is all agog about the marriage date of Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor. It could be March 23, it could depend on the periodically postponed release date of Khan’s 007 flick Agent Vinod (the theatrical trailer gave me the heebie-jeebies). Hey Saifeena jaans, how about a plain, honest-to-goodness announcement of the date, instead of gobbling up acres of newsprint, TV peak time and websites. Imagine if the announcement happens on another more newsy day: between a nightclub slap and a wedding date announcement, there could be some downsizing.
Auspiciously, John Abraham isn’t discussing the details about Priya Runchal, an investment banker. No loaded hints are being given by him about a possible marriage — I just hope I don’t bite my computer’s tongue though because he could make a statement any minute, adding, “But we are in no hurry. We have to think of our careers first.” Aaaaargh, that sort of stuff sets my teeth at edge. Abhay Deol is getting there by the way, with his periodic quotes on Preeti Desai on the lines of we-are-dating-but-there’s plenty of time for the saat-pheras. Or have they gone splitsville again? And I am definitely not interested in the future plans of Soha Ali Khan and Kunal Khemmu. Honestly. As Faiz Ahmed Faiz would have said: Aur bhi gham hain zamaane mein mohabbat ke siwa. Loose translation: Besides love there are other issues to worry about.
Indeed you might say, one solution is to avoid the tittle-tattle about the newly-weds and may-wed. Just concentrate on the news and commentaries about the state of the nation — which at this point is unarguably more exciting than the heart ping pongs of Bollywood. Trouble is that it’s not possible. The stage musical of Riteish and Genelia was everywhere, inescapable, more viewed perhaps than all of their movies together. So can you imagine what would happen if Salman Khan were to perform a stage musical of his impending wedding, at long last, to the girl whom he has dated for years. Prime candidates: Somy Ali, Katrina Kaif and ummm, Zarine Khan. The Bodyguard bhai’s enactment of his love story, complete with Himesh bhai’s music, Vikram Phadnis’ costumes and Farah Khan’s choregraphy, would be one helluva show. The nation would come to a standstill. Shudder.