Is it the lure of sex that makes men cheat? Bill Clinton cheated on Hillary, Silda Wall Spitzer stood by her husband New York Governor Eliot Spitzer despite him cheating on her, Tiger Woods made headlines for serial philandering, while Hugh Grant split with Elizabeth Hurley when he couldn’t hold himself back on his encounter with a prostitute and right after Sean Penn’s split with Robin Wright, he made news for his public affair with actress Natalie Portman. Recently caught in the red was Ashton Kutcher when he cheated on Demi Moore. The scene is no different in India with our line up of casanovas like Kamal Hassan, Aditya Pancholi, Salman Khan, Shekhar Kapur besides many others.
Men will be men and nobody can refute that. According to sociologist Eric Anderson, who recently launched his book The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love and The Reality of Cheating, men will always cheat, even if they love their partners and don't want to leave them. So what is it that that makes them unstoppable? Does this hold true for men in India or do such statements reinforce unfair generalisations? We dig in.
Actor of repute who has acted in Indian television, film and theatre, Meeta Vashisht opines, “Cheating on a partner is always a result of sexual low self-esteem, (however minor it may be), the inability to communicate with a partner and a lack of respect for one’s committed relationship, essentially a lack of respect for self. It needs courage, humility, insight and wisdom to face the gaps in a relationship.”
But Delhi-based Brijesh Dahiya, whose ex-girlfriend thought he cheated on her, concedes, “I completely agree. The phenomena of cheating is instinctively based on the primal male nature of being polygamous which is again mammalian like a lot other species. The idea of monogamy is an applied social norm which we’re expected to fall into. Now love is a pure emotion that stirs feelings of belonging but is not an antidote for attraction beyond singular partners. For a man to not address his attractions are only out of respect for his social scenario and value for belonging-ness that love offers.”
Giving in to the view that men were probably born to be polygamous in nature is fashion guru, Prasad Bidapa who has launched many new models and actors. “Men are known to be genetic markers spreading their seed far and wide. Their body craves sex with other people somatically. Sigmund Freud also spoke on how men, unlike Indian farmers, produced seeds in abundance, many of which would go redundant if not put to good use.” Agrees the rich and famous hotelier Vikram Chatwal, “I do the bhangra when I see gorgeous women.”
Departing with a nay is brand guru, Harish Bijoor who chances upon meeting many pretty faces on his various international travels. “If men cheat, they are cheating with women and that means equal number of women are also cheating. But there might be more men who like to take the not-so-straight road.”