Sad song of survival

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Music and singing should be something that one enjoys from the bottom of one’s heart. But it has taken me a long while — almost my whole life — to get to that point.

This strength and resilience that people see in me today hasn’t developed overnight. It’s been a very long journey; I know that it is far from over and there is still a long way to go. It certainly hasn’t been easy supporting a family of 22 members and the fact that I have come this far must mean that God did have something in store for me. I’m just glad that those days of abject poverty are over, that I don’t have to worry about where I would procure the next meal.
I still remember quite vividly how difficult it was when I was younger and much poorer. At times, there would be no food for days on end, and I had to go begging from door to door for some kind of sustenance. I started singing at a very young age, when I was just seven, with my father. I lost my mother very early on in life, and so it was only my father and I who would sing for a living.
Looking back, I realise that those were difficult times for a child. There were days when I couldn’t understand why we were doing this, why we were singing continuously just to stay alive. But life teaches you to survive. At that young age, I figured out that my life was going to be a difficult journey. But sometimes, you just have to let go of all your fears about life and its various difficulties. All you need is the courage, will and determination.
When I was 10 years old, I was married off to a man who was 25 years older to me. I had my first child when I was just 13, an age at which people today would shudder to get married, let alone become a mother. I’ve had 10 children after that.
My financial condition didn’t improve after my marriage; in fact, things were so bad that I didn’t even have time to recuperate after giving birth. So, within 10 days, I started performing. The only respite in this life of hardship was that my husband was supportive. It kept me sane through the roughest of weather, when I was working in the fields, taking care of the children and singing for a living as well.
I would sing the traditional songs of the Bhopa-Bhopi community that I belong to. We would travel to different places and sing all night. Fate finally intervened when John and Faith Singh of the Jaipur Virasat Foundation and Vinod Joshi went looking for talent to the farthest and interior-most places of Rajasthan.
They found me, they saw that I had talent, and decided to nurture it. I wasn’t the only one — it was a great feat for them to find 200 musicians within two years and start the Rajasthan International Folk Festival in Jodhpur. Without their support, I would have still been on the streets, still trying to make ends meet.
I still remember the first time I sang professionally. It is always an overwhelming feeling to perform in front of an audience. I am not afraid of the audience. The more the merrier. As I started singing professionally, I realised that I always wanted to perform for a large crowd, as it motivates and encourages me.
Yes, over the years my children have told me that I have become a more confident woman, both on stage and off it. When I had just started out, I was a shy face behind that veil, but now I have overcome stage fright and become a stronger person and performer.
It was almost a shock, albeit a joyful one, when I got the chance to sing at the recent Edinburgh Music Festival. I had never performed on an international platform before. In fact, I had never even imagined travelling beyond my village, and there I was in a different country.
Now, I’m more content with life. There are times when you are bitter about a lot of things, but it is really heartening to see how my life is turning out. I’m also happy that my children are teaching and passing on the tradition to the children in the village. Sometimes I do feel that my daughters too should have taken up singing and been financially independent. It is a small regret I have that they seem to have no inclination of making a living on their own.
I started singing when I was seven, and I am past 40 now. But I don’t want to stop and give my voice a rest. I am content, and now I sing for the beauty of it, to enjoy.
I’ve always had my veil. People ask me at times if I want to remove it and sing. But I feel that I have come this far because of my traditions and values, and my veil is a part of that. It is not a sign of backwardness, but just a symbol of respecting your traditions. I don’t think it should come in the way of anything, and it hasn’t so far. In fact, it is a sort of reminder for me too, to never forget from where I came, and how I had to struggle before life finally became better.

As told to Ipsitaa Panigrahi