Father Dominic Emmanuel

Someone has rightly said that it is easier to climb Mount Everest or battle the sharks in the deep sea than to forgive someone who has wronged us.
Forgiveness becomes all the more difficult if the person who wronged us happens to be our friend or a close relative. We then spend endless time thinking about why a person has done that to us, knowing well that no amount of thinking on the subject is going to bring any satisfactory answer.

When we begin to look at different experiences of our life we find that we not only need to forgive others but others also need to forgive us and that this occupies a huge area of our life. Some of us are caught in our own little insecurities. For example, “why should I be the first one to relent? Won’t it mean that I am not strong enough or that I have caved in under pressure from someone or because I am really guilty?”
At several places, the New Testament of the Bible speaks about forgiveness which includes both — forgiveness of human beings to one another as well as of God’s forgiveness towards human beings. One of the most touching parables narrated by Jesus is found in the Gospel of St. Luke and is popularly known as the parable of the “Prodigal Son” and with which many of us might be familiar.
It’s the story of a rebellious son who rejects his father’s upbringing. Prideful and strong, the son heads-off to a far-away land, leads a wild life of adventure and squanders everything of value (literally and symbolically). Not until he is confronted with failure and despair, does he return home, repentant and willing to do anything to win back his father’s favour. To his surprise and the surprise of others, he is welcomed, without question, into his father’s loving and forgiving arms. No amount of time, no amount of money and no amount of rebellion could get in the way of the father’s patience and unconditional love for his son. “For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found”.
Of course, the great message of this parable is that God is patient and gracious with all of His children and we too could try and emulate that in our lives. God is willing to welcome each of us home into His loving and forgiving arms. That is why Lewis Smedes writing in his, The Art of Forgiving: When You Need To Forgive and Don’t Know How, writes, “God is the original, master forgiver. Each time we grope our reluctant way through the minor miracle of forgiving, we are imitating his style. I am not at all sure that any of us would have had imagination enough to see the possibilities in this way to heal the wrongs of this life had he not done it first”.
The parable narrated by Jesus is so different from some of the experiences we have of parents at times turning hard-hearted just because it is difficult to forgive the wrong committed by one’s own son or daughter. And the invitation of Jesus is not just for forgiveness of our own blood relations. It extends to anyone who does wrong. That is why when Jesus was asked by his disciple, “Master, how many times must I forgive someone; seven times? Jesus replied, “Not seven times but 70 times seven”. Though Jesus just rhymed seven with 70 — since the disciple thought that seven was already the maximum number of times that he should forgive — what he really meant was that one must forgive others as many times as one is wronged.
Being a forgiving person can make one quite vulnerable. But in the end, it is that vulnerability that makes us victorious over those who might be our real or imagined enemies. Forgiveness does not mean letting one’s perpetrators off the hook. It means letting oneself off the hook, releasing oneself from the tyranny of vengeful thoughts. It is true that many people find it difficult to forgive. We could fruitfully use what Gordon Dalbey in, The Christian Century, says, “In a way, forgiving is only for the brave. It is for those people who are willing to confront their pain, accept themselves as permanently changed and make difficult choices. Countless individuals are satisfied to go on resenting and hating people who wrong them. They stew in their own inner poisons and even contaminate those around them. Forgivers, on the other hand, are not content to be stuck in a quagmire. They reject the possibility that the rest of their lives will be determined by the unjust and injurious acts of another person”.

— Father Dominic Emmanuel, a founder-member of Parliament of Religions, is currently the director of communication of the Delhi Catholic Church. He was awarded the National Communal Harmony Award 2008 by the Government of India. He can be contacted at frdominic@gmail.com