The W word seems to come with its own set of connotations. Child bearing hips, aprons, a dutiful bahu and ‘cultured’ are some of the traits that men seem to want in a wife. While they are perfectly okay with sizing up a Mallika Sherawat or soak their wild oats with a beauty queen, as reported in the case of Abhishek Bachchan and Dipannita Sharma, the lads still seem to want a woman who they perceive will have integrity, sophistication and culinary skills to suit their home!
So, what do men really desire in a wife? A confidante, sexpot or the saree clad ladle-wielding priestess? What else would explain Akshay Kumar’s near-marriage experiences with Shilpa Shetty, Pooja Batra or a Raveena Tandon before he settled into the Khanna household? Even the spirited Dhoni, who reportedly had a fascination for the glam dolls, silently solemnised his relationship with long-time family friend Sakshi Rawat. While men can’t seem to resist the siren call, they fight their instincts to ‘settle down’.
Relationship counsellor Dr Surbhee Soni, says, “Nowadays young people are experiencing everything too freely. So, when it comes to settling down, they want to seep back into a ‘good boy’ image. Girls today are in a similar social and professional setting as the guy, so the men find it intimidating to date a woman they know so well. They rather go for someone with a virgin-esque image.” But does marriage ever cross their mind, while they party it up with their bombshell? “Well if the woman has a fat bank balance, yes but otherwise, men prefer not to rock their reputation and image,” she says.
The male DNA perhaps urges them to seek victory in every situation and when their ego suffers a big blow, men tend to give up their wooing wisdom and settle for someone completely different as in the case of Viveik Oberoi. As a corporate woman, on the condition of anonymity points out, “Men like to be the winners after a chase and sometimes progressive, ambitious women will not settle for anything. So the easy way out is to find someone who is dependent and perhaps will bask in his glory.” This might be one part of the argument that leaves him with little choice, but surely men like Dhoni or an Akshay Kumar could have entered matrimony with anyone and still be revered.
Putting this down to pure insecurity, danseuse Anita Ratnam, says, “Women are evolving constantly, and men prefer the bimbo. Even in a marriage, men want the wife to remain what she was when they first met. But thanks to exposure and female bonding, women are coming into their own and men are walking out. Partially, this is to do with tradition too, it has been cited in scriptures that a woman should be a siren in the bedroom, a great hostess in the living room and a virtuous Sita-like woman on the street. But today, women are assertive of their beliefs, most men prefer to marry a woman who would drop her gaze in their presence.”
While there are men like an Anil Ambani or a Sanjay Dutt will go all out for love, there are still some who will lace up their buxom date, but marry the straight-laced woman. Author Amish Tripathi, thinks there is a touch of hypocrisy in it. “The unsaid belief that such men have is that marriage is a boring institution that is something you do to survive; and that they must get all the excitement they can in their dating years.”
As life itself has evolved to factor in a multitude of personalities, sexualities and relationships, wouldn’t it be nice if love triumphed over small minds?