Having met with injustice, having been wronged by someone are terrible experiences. One goes through a myriad emotions, ranging from self-pity, to helplessness, to anger, to blame, to revenge. These feelings also become inward- directed — one blames self for having been in that situation. Guilt, self-blame and self-disdain take us over as we find ourselves responsible for our negative experiences.
It’s a downward spiral. One feels victimised and all such feelings start occupying the mind. This eats into our inner beauty and we lose our inner peace and joy.
An immediate way out that comes to mind is a quid pro quo — getting even with the perpetrator in some way, or if that is not possible, finding a scapegoat who could be made to go through the same pain as we went through.
But do all of these mechanisms eventually lead to happiness? Or do they throw us into some vicious cycle, the exit route of which seems as distant a reality as the supposed joy that we had wrongly imagined to come our way?
It is like holding burning coal in one’s hands with the intention of throwing it at the other. As long as it would stay with us it will keep burning our hands. The only way to save ourselves is to let go of that hot burning coal — to let go any feeling of anger, hurt, blame etc.
The memory and feeling of having been wronged by someone puts a weight onto us. The way to lighten ourselves is not by paying back, because being wronged and doing wrong are two sides of the same coin. Revenge would add onto this weight.
Lightening oneself is only possible when one looks beyond the lesser self or the ego. As soon as we transcend our limited self, we begin to look beyond the immediate situation or the immediate person that has been bothering us. It happens slowly to begin with, but eventually we come to understand that our inner peace and inner joy lies not in the choices that the other person makes, but in the choices that we make for ourselves.
The focus of control then shifts to us, and we begin to understand that only by carrying unconditional love, compassion and forgiveness within us, are we able to liberate ourselves and experience limitless joy.
It is through this awakening that we are able to take the first step towards self-liberation, that of forgiving ourselves and the other person.
To forgive is akin to getting rid of the baggage that the other person had burdened us with. Forgiveness brings inner peace and inner joy. It fills us with the highest energy and purity. Our heart feels lighter and our entire being attains a blissful harmony.
But how do we know that we have actually forgiven someone, or even ourselves for that matter? One may feel that they have forgiven someone, but a chance encounter with the other person may bring back the negative memories and emotions.
True forgiveness is unconditional. True forgiveness means that one has actually forgotten the negative experience, and the only response that one has for the self and for the other person is that of love and compassion. Until this stage has been reached one must keep practicing forgiveness. It is the road to happiness and everlasting joy.

The writer is a divine healing hand practitioner. You can send him your queries at selfdecoder@gmail.com