Caught in a bad romance
Switch to any local TV channel and you will be bombarded with footage of Shubha who has been arrested for conspiring the murder of her fiancé, with the help of her lover. Who would think that a face emanating such beauty and innocence is capable of plotting a brutal attack? Similar shock arises from the fact that recently, an
educated advocate, Rajappa, stabbed his colleague (Naveena) to death after she rejected him in love. A girl in Delhi was stabbed to death by her ex-lover after she started seeing another man. Is cold-blooded murder suddenly being seen as an instant solution by modern urbanites?
Says model Karan Medappa, “Education has little to do with it. People need to develop the emotional maturity to deal with rejection, and move on, instead of turning to violence. There are more cases of men resorting to it, since the male ego is more delicate than a female’s. Societal stereotypes reinforce the value of domination in males, making it worse for them to come to terms with rejection.”
Actress Sanjjanaa feels that people need to be mature in relationships and think with the head instead of the heart. “Sometimes people can be so blind in love, that they act irrationally. For instance, Shubha, under her lover’s behest, executed a plan that would lead to her fiance’s death. Such people are mentally disturbed and need to be treated medically, before anything else.”
Others blame societal stereotypes for people acting violently. Says brand consultant Varuni Mohan, “We live in a society where a girl can’t walk around freely in Cubbon Park after 7 pm, without sending the ‘wrong signals’. If two married people, at work, meet up for coffee everyday, (even to discuss politics, movies and art), questions are asked, and things are perceived wrongly. This kind of mental conditioning leads to frustration in the society, and the murders have been a result of that. If Shubha hadn’t been forced to get engaged to Girish, things would’ve been different. Why did advocate Rajappa become desperate after Naveena rejected him? He could’ve moved on with life, met someone else, dated and made things happen with that person.”
The root of these murders range from a regressive societal mindset to a flawed legal system where people can, at times, get away with murder (quite literally), to lack of focus on emotional intelligence. Experts say that having good self-esteem is the key to emotional intelligence in relationships. “When a person has low self-worth, he begins to take minor defeats personally, and act harshly. Negative emotions like hatred, jealously and betrayal are channelised wrongly. At times, even a partner can wrongly influence decisions, like in the case of Shubha and her lover,” says Dr Anand A Rao, a psychologist, who suggests that people should opt for pre-marital counselling, and relationship counselling once things start to sour. “Or else there will be a lot of strains faced in the relationship, even after the wedding.”
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