Affair triggers
Arpitha sat on the sofa heavily, immobilised. No! This could not be true. Her husband of 15 years was having an affair! Where had she gone wrong? Had she in some way neglected his needs and pushed him in the wrong direction? What was she to do?
It is difficult to pinpoint any particular reason for affairs. While the contexts differ from person to person, there is no denying the fact that it can have distressing repercussions. To know the motivational factors, it is important to understand the typology of affairs, which can be categorised into situation specific affairs (one night stands); short-term affairs, which can be categorised into: conquest affairs, anger or revenge affairs, pre-divorce affairs; long-term affairs, which are classified into: marriage maintenance affairs (if one of the partners for some reason is unable to actively participate in the marriage), hedonistic affairs (the focus is only on sexual pleasure), cathartic affairs and finally need-based affairs.
Men’s motivation for having affairs by and large leans towards sexual variety and excitement while women tend to look more for emotional returns. The forbidden fruit syndrome and the novelty factor are other operative factors.
Each context needs looking into and customised in order to arrive at a plausible reason and then a possible solution. While an affair does replenish certain needs, it definitely is no way to resolve issues that have been shoved under the carpet.
Pointers:
Acknowledge that there is a problem.
Extramarital partner is not synonymous with a therapist.
Seek professional help.
Seeking help is not a sign of weakness.
The writer is a sexologist.
You can mail him at
dr.narayana@deccanmail.com
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