I’ll always be there for you
Sibling rivalry is an age-old phenomenon and has been a part of every generation in various ways. One can actually trace it back to the story that deals with rivalry between two brothers, Cain and Abel in the Bible where Cain the elder brother keeps asking his parents, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” The end is a tragic one and has
basically Cain killing his younger brother Abel. The Bible is one of the oldest texts among many to show how important it is to tackle the problem of sibling rivalry.
Many psychologists and counsellors mark the thin line of difference between rivalry and general fights. A feeling of hostility or antagonism will lead to rivalry where one is trying to outdo the other. Finding the root cause of sibling rivalry isn’t very difficult. Competition among siblings or constant comparisons leads to a feeling of being preferred or neglected.
Dr Harish Shetty, well-known counsellor and psychiatrist highlights how important it is for parents to strike the balance between their children and make sure that they don’t end up being partial. “I often counsel parents to prepare their first child about the arrival of the next one during pregnancy so that one is mentally prepared about a new addition in the family and how it will be a part of their lives,” says Dr Shetty.
He adds further, “Conflicts during growing up years is healthy and natural as well in many ways. It gives them a chance to understand each other better. But it shouldn’t go to an extent where they compare their parents’ love between them and as a result develop hostility.” And as per his observations he says that these days sibling rivalry has declined a lot as the dynamics of the family system have changed. “In joint families with more children this used to happen but now with shrinking size of families with the nuclear family concept siblings turn to be each other’s support and are on friendly terms,” says Dr Shetty.
Akansha Khare, third year engineering student says, “For me nothing beats the bond between two sisters. From sharing secrets, looking out for each other to being each other’s support system to being my friend, guide and agony aunt, my elder sister has been one of the most important persons in my life. At times she is overly protective about me, which can get a bit weary but it does make me feel really special and well cared for. Sometimes she may behave difficult, well so do I and we do fight a lot but we do miss each other now when we are miles apart.”Anjana Kahlo, a second year mass media student was extremely happy when her younger sister was born.
“My sister and I always look out for each other. In spite of our arguments she’s appreciated the advice I’ve been able to provide as an older sister in terms of peer issues and parental conflicts,” says Anjana.
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