After 14 seasons as an international cricketer, Harbhajan singh still feels the void created by his father’s death cannot be filled by any amount of success. The emotional upheavals in his career — his fallout with the NCA, his bowling action being questioned —have only made him more determined

To rise and make a mark in any profession requires great determination and hard work, but in my case there were more than just a few extra jolts. The common fan who spends his day praying for our success knows very little of our personal side. My life, in particular, has not been a bed of roses. When I sit back and take a moment for myself, it all comes back to me.
There are many stories to narrate — almost enough to write my own book. But a few incidents in my life have been life altering and served as great levellers.
I was born into a middle class Punjabi Ramgarhia Sikh family. Being the only son, I was expected to take the family’s ball bearing and valve factory business forward.
When I started playing, the game was not as lucrative as it is today, but my father allowed me to pursue my dream. My parents encouraged me greatly, and I should forever be grateful to them for that.
My biggest regret though, is that my father passed away before he could see me play for the country. It shattered me completely. He had a very important role in my game and it breaks my heart every time I think of what it would have meant to have him with me to celebrate my accomplishments. No amount of success can fill the void created by his absence in my life. My father taught me a great many things, especially to never forget my roots and the people who helped in my growth.
I’ve learnt all my lessons in humility from him. Even today, I carry an old wallet of mine; it keeps reminding me of the old times and helps me keep my feet firmly planted to the ground. I don’t see anything wrong in holding on to one’s past.
Growing up with five sisters also made me appreciate kindness and warmth. In fact, it was a matter of pride and joy when I played the role that I did in conducting their marriages.
Moving on to my game, having made my international debut fairly early, I was expected to just carry on, but as you know, life is not always a smooth journey. The fallout at the National Cricket Academy (NCA) showed me in poor light, but my seniors in the team guided me in the right direction. No one is an “Olympic race horse,” all of us need constant nurturing and care. I was lucky to get the right advice from both my family and my teammates.
The 2001 Test series against Australia was one that put me on the international map, so there is a little incident there I want to share. Anil Kumble was ruled out of the series due to an injury, but despite the fact that his right arm was still in a sling, he took the pain to come and help me. Sachin Tendulkar’s support — both on and off the field too — was immense. Both the veterans taught me an important lesson — to give back to the game that has given one so much.
There are numerous questions that I had to answer from time to time. However, one of the most trying phases of my career was when my bowling action was questioned. It was a very emotionally exhausting period in my life, as I had to prove myself all over again.
I probably wouldn’t have survived that phase if not for the support of my family and friends. They stood by me during those rough times and reminded me that such upheavals are part and parcel of every cricketer’s life. My parents have always taught me to treat victory and defeat equally, and this has always held me in good stead.
There have been times when I have lost my cool, but that is certainly not because the success has gone to my head. We are often misunderstood, but at the end of the day, we are normal people. We derive satisfaction from small things, just like everyone else.
This is a passing phase and another opportunity for me to be grateful to God for having provided me with a lot, and also for keeping the fire and passion for the game going. I am sure the teachings of my guruji and the endless warmth from fans will keep me going for a long time.
After 14 seasons as an international cricketer in India, one should not have any complaints. And the fact that I have got a lot of cricket left in me only reinforces the fact that God has been extremely kind to me.

As told to
V. Balaji