Take that chance
“She doesn’t socialise, doesn’t go to parties or interact with men. She’s scared of being exploited. Can I make her read your column and hope that she will change?” — a guy in his twenties about a girl in his office who doesn’t respond to his moves.
Well, don’t push her if she doesn’t want you to. Leave her alone. Find someone else to woo.Having said that, prudishness isn’t the answer to anything anymore. Not the answer to fear certainly. Not the answer to worry, definitely. If you are a young working woman who is scared to be vulnerable in a man’s world, then letting go of all social opportunities to interact isn’t the way to get rid of your fear. You can’t lock yourself in your one room apartment after office hours simply because ‘bad men’ out there will exploit you. And please don’t watch TV serials where girls dream about their man — and voila! they meet him in a chance encounter.
The chances are you won’t be meeting your dream guy in any chance encounter. The chances are you will simply grey away hoping, waiting, wishing — while other girls your age find love and move on.
The first rule of love is ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained.’ If you don’t go on a limb and take a chance with a guy (who could well be a ‘bad man’) you will never meet a ‘good man’ either. On the other hand, if you do take a chance, he could still turn out to be a horrible guy, but the only way to find out is to take that chance.
That’s true for website arranged dates too. You can chat online with a guy for years until you know every little detail about his personal life — but in truth you still won’t know him at all. Many online dates turn out to be shockers. That’s because without being aware of it he lied and you lied — he created a fictional version of himself and so did you. When you shook hands for the first time and ordered iced coffees and tentatively smiled — the veil was still on — but physical interactions have a way of ripping the veil — and sooner than later you will come face to face with a stranger you never knew.
The point, dear girl, is that you never know. You can never be sure. You still need to take that chance, or you will never get a man in your life. You need to get out after hours and meet guys.
Sure, play safe by all means. Don’t venture in danger zones. Let your feminine intuition advise you — even against reason — and follow that intuition. If something inside tells you to walk away, then walk away immediately. But for God’s sake don’t lock yourself up in a room and think you are being virtuous. Youth will slip away before you know it and bitterness and regret will follow. Go for it girl. Good luck and God bless.
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