Only let significant people affect you
I met a girl recently at a party. She was visiting Bengaluru from Delhi for a project. After being introduced to each other by a common friend, we started chatting. We exchanged numbers too. Since I liked her a lot, I messaged her after a few days and was surprised to get a polite and nice reply from her. We started having long conversations and it didn’t take much time for me to develop feelings for her. Since both of us are well settled in life, I proposed marriage to her. It was quite shocking for me when she hung up without a response. It’s been a few days that we have spoken. I was ready for both positive and negative response but this was really perplexing. I still want to know what went wrong. What should I do?
Vishal
A. Perhaps, your suggestion of marriage was too premature.Today people expect to know a person really well before considering marriage. It looks like most of your communication has been digital. It is difficult to consider marriage based on Skype or social media. Perhaps you can persuade her to meet you in person in Mumbai. Do apologise for prematurely jumping to conclusions. If she does not respond, make efforts to start afresh.
I always have this fear of being judged by other people. I want to do a lot of things but somehow end up not doing them just because I am always conscious of others’ opinion. Some time ago, I went to meet an acquaintance at a hotel and came across a filmmaker I admire a lot. Even after wanting to go and greet him, I couldn’t because I feared that the friend accompanying me would think I am star-struck. This is just one instance of the many. I want to change my attitude but when faced with the situation I come back to square one. What can I do?
Shree Vinayak
A. This is a fear planted deep in our minds by significant elders to protect us when we are too young to protect ourselves. This plant must be uprooted as we grow up, because we become adults quite able to solve problems and face predators. But in your case, the plant has been allowed to become a tree, that restricts all your normal activities and keeps you tongue-tied when faced with opportunities. To get the best out of life we should not just wait for opportunity to knock, we should go out into the street and welcome it into our lives.
‘Others’ should not affect your life. Only ‘significant others’ should affect you. Create a circle of active, optimistic, successful friends around you. Approach a person who cares about you and is an achiever. Ask him to mentor you. Find your life’s goal and pursue it single-mindedly with the support of family and friends. Approach life like a peaceful, determined warrior. And life will respond by helping you speed towards your goal.
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