Live for yourself, not the naysayers

Jul 28, 2013 - Dr Rekha Shetty

I am a 20-year-old man. I am doing my graduation in engineering. The problem is that I try to be honest most of the time but I lose my patience when people question me. Even my parents don’t believe me at times. Please guide me and give me advice on how to control myself.
Aniket

A. Make a promise to yourself from today that you will always tell even the inconvenient truth, all the time. Share your reflections with your parents and other significant people in your life. Stick to this principle at all cost. Make them realise that whatever you say will be the whole truth. Forget the past — there is nothing you can do to change it. Maybe you called wolf too many times, when there was no wolf. Soon, very soon, you will build up a reputation for speaking only the truth, even when it is tough. You will then be able to earn the respect you deserve once more.
Meanwhile, be patient with those who question you. Perhaps their love for you forces them to ask you anxious questions. When the time is right, confide your unhappiness about their lack of trust. This problem will be solved over a period of time.
I am a 25-year-old woman. I got married last year but because of some differences, the marriage didn’t work. I’ve been living separately since then. Now, I get to hear a lot of things about me which are not so nice. I haven’t reacted on anything till now but feel restless when I hear wrong things about my parents and siblings. What do you think I can do?
Nupur
A. If it is convenient, move to a big city and make a fresh start. Take your parents into confidence, and ask for their support. As you know people will talk and usually blame the woman for the divorce. Unfair, but true! If you feel you can face people boldly with the support of your family, stay on.
You can’t live your whole life trying to please others. But it can be quite emotionally draining dealing with them all the time.
Find something interesting to do and get in touch with positive people, wherever you stay. Take up the study of a subject that interests you. Take your mind off the past and focus on the present.
Remember that a long, interesting life lies ahead of you. You are going to live that life, not your naysayers. Build your confidence and skill base. All will be well.

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