For someone who intensely dislikes travel, I’ve done more than my share. Today I’m somewhere in South America. I can’t disclose the exact location because quite frankly even I don’t really know what it is. All I know is that I’m on a large mainland, with plenty of trees and people speaking a foreign language like Goa which means in all probability it’s Goa.

The actual fact of the matter is we are here for our training on the Indian version of the hit TV show Fear Factor. I’m told the first four rounds will be particularly hazardous. Round 1. climb a tree Round 2. climb down the tree Round 3. work for Mr Kalmadi Round 4. quickly climb and hide in the tree again. Yesterday, I got to meet the participants who were all selected by a very rigid, complicated and arduous process which consisted of the TV channel asking them to participate and then saying yes immediately.
So before you watch the show, let me introduce you to other participants. Remember this is a thumbnail sketch, except, of course, in the case of Dino Morea — who doesn’t have any thumbnails. 
1. Rahul Bose: Actor, philanthropist, director, international rugby player. Rahul also holds an Indian reward for wearing the shortest shorts ever on TV. A record he holds in tandem with Sherlyn Chopra who is also an actor, philanthropist, director and an international rugby player. 
2. Milind Soman: Ex-international swimmer, runner and above all model. Milind is an expert at doing the breaststroke, backstroke, and for a suitable fee any other stroke of your choice. He’s also the one who convinced me to take part in this event. His exact words “if you don’t do the show I’ll give you a tight slap”. 
3. Rahul Dev: In Chennai, children scream and flee from Rahul Dev, in much the same way women do from me in Mumbai. A successful character actor, and villain Rahul Dev has a fixed exercise regime. He drives his truck to the gym. He then picks up his pick-up truck and puts it in the gym. He then removes the truck from the gym and drives it away. Awesome power, seen just like the kind Mr Kalmadi enjoyed before the damn Commonwealth Games racket hit the floor.
4. Dino Morea: Actor, chef, producer, model and the Italian ambassador to India. Dino is one of the hot picks to actually win the event. He also claims that in his spare time he invented pasta, pizza, ravioli and Himesh’s look in Radio. 
5. Manjot Singh and 6. Armaan Ebrahim. These two 12-year-olds will be made to work only half days as they are still in school. Manjot knows no English and Armaan can’t speak Hindi. It’s a match made in heaven. By the way Manjot is a budding actor and Armaan is an underage racing car driver with tremendous potential and no licence. 
7. Karan Singh Grover: Actor, dancer and model may not have time to do all the tasks as he is otherwise engaged. Engaged in waxing his chest, back and upper arms, a task that takes over seven days. But as Karan himself says “everyone must have a passion, everyone must have a meaning in life”.
8. Shabbir Ahluwalia: Actor, and sometimes cricketer. Rumour has it, that if he drops out early, he’ll be asked to replace Yuvrag Singh in the Indian squad. The only problem is he started the rumour himself. 
9. Ritwik Bhattarcharya: Squash champion. He can sprint 30 metres in less than four seconds. A fact he was very buoyed about until I explained to him that this attribute won’t really help against a Piranha.
10. Abhishek Kapoor: Film director and actor. Famous for directing the film Rock On, on every Tuesday and Wednesday in 2007. Abhishek says he’s doing this show to gather material for his next film. Which means his next film will be on a) great white sharks or b) Indian on trampolines or c) Milind Soman.
11. Terence Lewis: Many years ago Terence Lewis invented the Mamba, the Samba, and even the masala dosa. In the next few weeks Terence Lewis dancer, extraordinaire, will find these inventions of absolute no use. There is a 13th contestant who will be revealed to us in two years after the show has been telecast, or by when Milind Soman would have given up swimming whichever is first.
I hope this thumbnail sketch will tell you a little about the men and their missions. And if you see any of them on the streets of Mumbai or Hyderabad or Delhi, please keep quiet about it as we’re all supposed to be in a secret location in South America.