They may not be sanctifying their liaison right now. Better to be a steamy Saifeena twosome than to trot towards a nikaah, the saat pheras, or a civil marriage. Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor, despite alarming reports of an imminent break-up, are conjoined at the hips. Priyanka Chopra’s been yoked, unofficially, with every superstar or

superflop. Katrina Kaif’s licking her wounds after the pfffft saga with Salman Khan. Bipasha Basu has said boo to John Abraham. Career first, matrimony fuhh-get it. Actually this year, the Lara Dutta-Mahesh Bhupati marriage has been the only exception to the Bollywood rule. And of course Ma’am Lara has flaunted her hefty solitaire ring, ticking off a not-as-prominent colleague with, “What is that little pea you have on your finger?” Tsk, how gross.
So much for reality. On the great, fantasy-packed wide screen, though, weddings are the flavour of the season. So Salman Khan’s head-banger Ready — which is essentially about hundreds of uncles, aunts, beardos-n- weirdos getting Bare Chest to wed the pancaked Asin — has turned out to be an even more earth-quaking box office bonanza than Dabangg. Viewers, obviously, connect with the very notion of the 45-year-old bachelor finally assenting to a suhaag raat. Dhinchika dhinchika.
In real life, wedding bells have been periodically rung for Salman bhai. Even exact dates and venues were reported for his shaadi with Sangeeta Bijlani and Katrina Kaif with alarming frequency. Ditto with his old flame Somy Ali, anchored since years in New York. So when much mayhem is made of facilitating a screen bride for the middle-aged bachelor, the audience love it, as if served free laddoos in their multiplex seats. Quite conclusively, then, there’s nothing as entertaining as a plump Indian wedding in Tinsel Ville. In fact, Mere Brother ki Dulhan is around the corner. The Katrina Kaif-Imran Khan romcorn has been produced by the Yashraj banner which is as obsessive about shaadis as the artsy-tartsy filmmakers are about divorces.
Earlier, Yashraj had snitched elements from My Best Friend’s Wedding, brazenly titling the rehash as Mere Yaar ki Shaadi (2002). And don’t forget, one of the most memorable vignettes from Yash Chopra’s golden oldies has been the brocade-covered bride awaiting a first-night serenade. O Shashi Kapoor, o Raakhee Gulzar in Kabhi Kabhie (1976).
Now, if Raakhee Gulzar closed her eyes demurely, so does the Medusa-haired Kangna Ranaut decades later in Tanu Weds Manu. Eureka, another, it was a slow-starter but upbeat word-of-mouth publicity fetched the film the status of the first certified hit of 2011. The script had shades of Hollywood’s vintage screwball comedy Born Yesterday (1950). Hey but who cares a dried fig about originality?
More to the point, the wedding flick has affirmed that viewers are partial to love stories about couples who detest each other but, uncannily, resolve all their assorted differences at the marriage site. The disapproving parents are also suddenly deliriously delighted. It’s a difficult volte face to pull off in the movies, even in the excellent ones. For instance, the finales of both Farhan Akhtar’s Dil Chahta Hai (2001) and Pradeep Sarkar’s Parineeta (2005) just didn’t measure up to the rest of their utterly credible screenplays.
Indeed, the shaadi movie has become a distinct genre ever since it was defined by Sooraj Barjatya’s Hum Aapke Hain Kaun..! (1994). Its most appealing elements were joyous celebrations, kiddish pranks at the mehndi ceremony, blingy outfits, and musical set pieces choreographed with the participation of the young, old and even the household pets.
Barjatya intensifed the formula with not one, but three couples, caught in the dilemma of tying the knot in Hum Saath Saath Hain (2000). To complete his wedding trilogy, the director confected Vivah (2006), albeit with a difference. It actually had a tragic ending, a kind of a Hum Sob Sob Hain. At the outset of their careers, Aditya Chopra (Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge, 1995) and Karan Johar (Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, 1998) had admitted that they were strongly influenced by Barjatya. Like him, they emphasised that it’s a must for would-be brides and grooms to know that it’s all about loving the family.
The road to weddings is paved with hellish — though surmountable — blockades. This homily has been the topic of films ranging from the likeable (Chameli ki Shaadi, 1986) and the endurable (Hum Tum, 2004; Bride and Prejudice, 2005; Pyaar ke Side Effects, 2006; Aisha, 2010) to the unbearably buffoonish (Mujhse Shaadi Karogi, 2004; Shaadi No. 1, 2005).
Once in a very bluish moon, though, the subject has been dealt with seriously. For instance, B.R. Chopra’s Nikaah (1982) did discuss the issue of divorce with a semblance of sobriety. And Mira Nair’s Monsoon Wedding (2001) went behind the scenes of a typical New Delhi shaadi. In the process, it revealed the secrets and lies which sometimes lurk behind the doors of the festive farmhouses.
To be sure, Ready, Band Baaja Baarat and Tanu Weds Manu haven’t aspired to do anything besides spinning fanciful yarns. Since nothing succeeds like excess — or so the belief goes — the boom is on. Mumbai’s film fraternity is already planning at least half-a-dozen wedding-centric movies. And it’s more than likely that they’ll get the audience’s blessings. Bring on the shehnais, please. Meanwhile, Saifeena can breathe easy.